Lack Of Deceit {Completed}

Chapter 29

"Ain't no rushing. So, don't force yourself." She shrugged. She just wanted to know the tea. We laughed as Byron walked up to us.

"Vie and Iva, thank you both so much for all you've done for me these last few months. I trust y'all and I'm glad my brother finally got some sense and  dating a girl who was worth it." He hugged us both and I laughed nervously.

I was trying to figure out what he meant by 'dating a girl who was worth it.'

What's that supposed to mean?

It was almost 10pm and I watched as my baby slept on the couch. She needed to go to sleep.

"Hey, y'all. Lil party is over my baby needs to sleep." I spoke up, pointing to Amina.

"Alright, bye." Vie kissed my cheek.

"You going over to Delia's?" I asked.

"Yeah."

"Okay, love you." I turned around to see Byron looking at me with puppy dog eyes.

"Sis, can I stay here too?" He pleaded and I just laughed.

"Yes, but how is Shania gonna get home?" I asked, looking over to her.

"I can walk. I don't live far." She suggested but I shook my head. It was pitch black outside and shit gets dangerous out at nights.

"No. Byron, take her home and you can come back here. I'll give you a key so I don't have to open the door for you." I gave him a key and they left out.

I watched as Jovan picked up Amina and carried her to her room. I thought that was so cute.

"You're so good with children." I smiled as he closed Mini's door quietly.

"Thank you." He walked over to me and kissed me. "I'm gonna take a shower. After, I want us to talk." He told me and I furrowed my eyebrows.

"About what?"

"Something." He smiled and went into my room to take a shower. I sat on the chair in my room as I waited for him to come out the bathroom.

I watched whatever was on BET as I waited for him. Once he came out, he had a towel wrapped around his waist. I admired his abs and his v-line. He walked next to me and opened my dresser for his clothes and dropped his towel.

Don't look. Don't look. Don't look. Don't look.

I looked. It was definitely big. He noticed my stare and made eye contact with me. He smirked and walked closer to me.

"Ah, get back. We're holy." I pushed his chest and he laughed.

"Yeah, aight." He put on his boxers and joggers. I watched closely as he sat on the bed and his manly scent filled the room.

"I'm gonna go take a shower. Then we can talk."  I pulled my hair into a bun and went into the bathroom.

I took a nice, long and hot shower because I didn't want to talk. I didn't know what he was gonna say. I don't think it was anything bad but I just want to be.

I didn't want to have a conversation. I just wanted to binge watch our show and sleep on his chest. That was the best feeling.

I hopped out the shower and dried myself off. I lathered myself in lotion. I brushed my teeth and walked out the bathroom.

Jovan watched me closely as I walked over to the dresser. I did the same thing as he did and dropped my towel. He continued to stare and I felt really nervous.

I picked up my towel in attempt to put it back around my body.

"Nah, let me see you." He smirked and continued to watch as I found the clothes I wanted to where. My cheeks felt hot as he didn't take he eyes off me.

I quickly found panties and a big t-shirt to where. I pulled the shirt over my head and sat on the bed next him.

"You're so sexy." He pulled me to him.

"Thank you." I hid my face in his chest. I was overwhelmed nervousness. He was making me shy.

"So what did you want to talk about?" I leaned up off his chest and looked at his face.

"It was nothing bad. I've just been feeling a type of way with Mini."

"How so?" I was puzzled.

"I don't want to take her dad's place. I mean, I know he passed before he was able to even meet her but I want her to know what it feels like to have a father figure in her life. I don't want her to call me Dad or anything but I wanna give emher all my love without taking that 'father' spot. I'm not her father." He explained and I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Jovan, you have my full permission to love Amina as much as you can. I don't want her to call you Dad either. But I'm sure she understands that you're not her father. I've told her how her father died and all about her father. If there are certain things you want to do or want to say but you feel like that's a 'father's place' just say it. If she asks you if you're her father or her new father, just tell her the truth." I shrugged it off. It was really nothing more to it.

I understand where he was coming from but to wasn't that serious. Amina asked about her father rkike every other week. She knew Jovan wasn't her father. She just loved him.

"Alright. I just wanted to get that off my chest. It's been bothering me." He pulled me into his chest and I nodded.

"You wanna watch some Queen Sugar?" I asked him and he shook his head.

"Nah, I just wanna be with you." He held onto me tightly.

The room went silent as we enjoyed each other's presence. I thought about what my conversation with Vie. I was a little scared to have sex with him. It's not that I didn't want to because I really wanted to.

I just didn't know if that was the right move for us right now.

"Are you ready for us to have sex?" I blurted out and sat up to look at his reaction.

"If you want to." He said nonchalanty.

"No, do you? This is not about what I want, this about how you feel."

"I mean, yeah I'm ready. I just want our first time to have sex to be romantic and happy. I want to pleasure you, ma. I want us to go all night and make you cum until your legs give out."

"I want it to be special. I want to make love to you. But, I'm not gonna force you. I want us to be on the same page. I want you to be as ready as I am." He went on. Honestly, it made my lady parts go crazy and my heart melt.

"I don't know. I'm just scared."

"What you scared of?" He knitted his eyebrows. "You scared of me?"

"No. I'm not scared of you. Once I share this piece of me with you, I don't want you to go back on your words because you got the magical pussy and now you're leaving."

I was really just making up fears in my own head. He had reassured me over and over that he wasn't rushing me to do anything and he didn't want anything from me. But, I couldn't push it out of my head. He was never going to leave me.

"Iva, I will wait as long as you ask. Our relationship isn't based on sex. You ain't got nothing to be afraid of. The fears are in your head. I didn't want to do anything to hurt you. I just want to love you." He kissed my forehead. I nodded as I took in his words.

"I love you, ma. Let's get some rest."  He kissed my lips and I laid back down on his chest. I had nothing to say because I still wasn't ready to tell him that I loved him.

But, he loved me. He didn't just tell me he loved me because he wanted to hear it back. He told because he really loved me. Every part of me.

I hadn't been loved this way in over 6 years. It felt great to be appreciated and recognized for my worth. He saw me the way I saw myself. Full of love and prosperity.