Awkward

/THE FIFTH PERSON/

~/ ROMAN TURNER /~

/BREAK TIME/

Ava, Alastair and Clare sigh all together. They haven't said anything in almost five minutes. The tension stands between us like a fifth person we can't share secrets with.

"I don't really know you, but this is shocking news," Clare says.

"I can't believe you're leaving!!" Alastair shouts- his fist flies at the wall and I wince because it sounds like a thunderclap— with a crack at the end, and the wall is unharmed.

Ava just looks at me, searching for a grin - a smirk - to tell her I'm joking, to tell her I'm about to say "April Fools" even though we've still got a day left of the worst month of my life.
"These are my last five days," I repeat. My eyes feel hot and dry and I want to rub them but we're about to have math in here so I need to be strong. "And you guys are the only ones who know."

Alastair nurses his hand like he isn't done hurting the wall.
"Bro, no offense but YOUR MUM IS A B—-!!!!"

I feel weird agreeing, but I do. My mother has become a b—. On one hand, I don't understand how it even makes sense to transfer me and not Ella. On the other, I don't blame her for the changes. A swarm of articles this morning verified an inside source at Saalfeld said, "Kavi Turner is unable to finish the season, at best". I've kept the news from Mum but I'm sure she already knew, that's why she started packing. She may even know everything.

Alastair holds his hand out.
"Can we make a secret handshake?"

"A secret handshake?" I say, but I offer my hand anyway. He shows me a handshake he probably made up on the spot, demonstrating with his hurt hand like there isn't anything wrong with it.

"School isn't the end of life," he says. "We have ChatApp."

I nod, even though I'm not raising my hopes. Odds are, after two months, we'll only remember each other once every other month.

"And even if we don't talk anymore, let's find each other when we're twenty and go out for a dinner in the ends, just as men," he suggests. "And on that day, yeah? I don't care if you have a huge beard, a job, a wife — I want you to remember the handshake your best friend taught you." We do it twice, thrice. It's memorised.

"One more time," he adds, and we do the handshake one more time. It's actually a pretty cool shake. "I'll call it 'Sayonara, Caesar-Senpai'." And with a final sayonara and a hug, he and Clare are on their way to their next classes.

But I call back Clare.

"Yeah?"

"Turn Alastair into a gentleman," I say. "Please."

She looks back at where he's standing, the door.
"Impossible."

That makes us laugh and we have this awkward moment where we almost hug but then shake hands instead. Though before she stops shaking my hand, she promises to "work on him until he is a fine gentleman", and catches up to him after; and as she leaves with him, I imagine an alternate reality where I dropped to my knees and begged him to ask his parents to pay my fees.

I wonder how that would have gone.

I wouldn't do that here. I'd be an opportunist. I also feel like life is trying to take me a certain direction and I just have to go with the flow until I can afford not to. I won't die. I'll only be moved to a public school where I have no idea who anyone is. Hopefully I'll make new friends and learn from the mistakes I made here, pass the final exams, which will probably be right in the term I enter, and make my family proud.