Cellar Sheep

Chapter 20

Once inside the communications room, I found all three safe and sound to my relief. They were on alert when I entered but when they saw it was just me they relaxed a bit.

"What's going on down there? What happened?" Jesse asked.

"We heard a commotion." Thomas said. I gave an unbothered shrug.

"Some infectees are down there fighting, that's all." I said. "Probably shouldn't leave until they're all gone. The fight's attracted a crowd."

"How long till they leave?" A loud crash that shook the building answered his question. "Right."

"It's also looking pretty nasty out there." I said. "We might not have much time before a storm."

"Well if we leave when infectee are scattered about we won't need to worry about a storm." Jesse said. True, true.

We made a smart yet risky call by deciding to stay till dawn broke. That way all infectee should be cleared by then and we can be safer. Also, just by looking around at their haggard faces and exhausted posture, I knew they needed a small break. I needed a small break; we all did.

As the light dimmed outside and the ruckus down stairs started to fade, we all settled in. The three had extra supplies to keep warm, Jesse and Mary staying close. Thomas lit an oil lamp, the three crowding around it as I sat in my chair and occupied myself by rolling Kenny's ring over my knuckles. I was starting to make progress as I wasn't dropping it as much.

It'd probably been a few hours later before Mary and Jesse were knocked out and I found myself nodding off in the chair. Nowadays it was hard for me to get consecutive sleep as the voice and itch always found a way to keep me up, but the small human part of me that still lingered needed it.

I rested my chin on my arms that were braced on the back of the chair, watching the flickering flame. Thomas was resting against the wall though his eye was alert. Even in a safe room locked away from all threats, he still insisted on keeping watch. I knew it was just him wanting to keep everyone safe and not trusting the world anymore, but I knew it was part of me as well.

I didn't say a word or offer to go somewhere else, though. Even with that itching I stayed put in my chair.

"Is it true?" Thomas asked out of no where, his voice soft. I glanced up at him, his eye focused on the small blinking lights from the radios on the wall. "That you attempted suicide before?"

I paused a moment as his eye met mine, waiting for a response. Such a strong question out of no where.

"On the roof I joked about you jumping, not realizing that it might've been a sensitive topic by your response." He said. "And those scars on your arms... no one says a word about it and you don't seem to care but you've always been alone, haven't you?"

"You make it sound like I'm some edgy and depressed teenager." I said with a soft laugh. "And yeah, I did, twice. But it didn't work and I got over it so here I am now."

"You know," Thomas said as his eye cast down to the floor. "you don't have to be alone. I know you're always distanced from us but none of us think of you as a monster." But they do. They really do.

I cocked my head. "You can't look me in the eyes and tell me you don't see me as a monster."

"I don't." He said, not breaking his stare.

"After everything you've seen me do— and you know I've drank human blood before too— you're still not afraid of me?"

"Why should I? Karma, you may not be entirely human but you're a soldier." He said. "You've done nothing but battle for our behalf and gotten yourself mutilated multiple times just to save our asses. If anything I respect you."