Walk With Me

9. Old Friends and New Acquaintances

"Yeah. I moved back about two months ago."

"Mom, can we get Frosted Flakes?" a young boy shouts from the end of an aisle.

My eyes glance over her shoulder to see a red headed boy holding up a blue box. Beside him is a smaller version of himself along with an even smaller boy.

"Yes, get whatever you want," she shouts back, earning another stare from the woman beside us. Trina catches the side glance and turns her attention toward the woman. "Can I help you?"

The confrontation makes me nervous, so I look away. I'm glad when the woman doesn't respond and chooses to walk in the opposite direction. Trina doesn't seem to mind the moment.

"Those are my boys, Andrew, Will, and Lucas. I've got one more at home with Owen."

I can't help but smile. She had Andrew right out of high school. A surprise pregnancy. Her and Owen dated throughout high school. I always envied the love that they had. They chose to go to the same college to stay together. I know high school romance rarely makes it beyond senior year, but I knew theirs would go the distance. I'm glad to see that four kids later, they're still making it work.

"You've got four kids now? Wow, I've missed so much."

"Yep, all about two years apart. I've pretty much had a kid attached to my boob the last ten years of my life," she relents so openly.

I personally wouldn't know the struggle of that. I tried with Mia. I tried everything. Old wives' tales, midwives, mommy groups and blogs. Nothing worked. Vince made sure to make it clear it was my fault though. I could have drank more water, changed my diet, again. I blamed myself for a long time for not being able to give that to her. I still do, to be honest. There's something about not being able to provide that for your child, when they're literally starving in your arms and your body can't produce what they need, that makes you feel inadequate. I know that's not the case, I've been told plenty of women don't breast feed, but I still have that voice in my head telling me I could have tried harder.

I force a laugh before changing the subject. "How is Owen?"

Her face lights up, making me smile. "Same Owen. He owns a restaurant in town, so he's always working. But it has allowed me to stay home with the boys. Sometimes I think I'm losing my mind with all the testosterone surrounding me, but I'm surviving."

"Mom, Lucas needs to use the bathroom," the oldest, Andrew, shouts from the end of the aisle again.

"Okay, one sec," she yells back without turning from me. "Duty calls," she smiles. "Look, we need to get together. Catch up. Let me see your phone."

She reaches out and I unlock the screen before placing it in her hand. She clicks a few things then passes it back.

"I text myself, so now you have my number too," she smiles again before racing off in the direction of her boys.

Having friends hasn't been a huge part of my life lately. Having my family hound me from 3,000 miles away about leaving my husband was enough for me. Having to constantly come up with the facade of the picture perfect family to a group of people during happy hour just became too much. Disappearing from all outside connections was just easier.

Talking to Trina again, though, felt nice. She doesn't know my current life choices. She doesn't know my day to day struggles the past few years. She knows the girl who used to paddle out to the cove and catch the rays of the sun without potential tan lines. The girl who used to sneak out past curfew to surf on a full moon or go on spontaneous road trips just to see her favorite band perform 300 miles away. The girl she used to know is the very girl I'd love to be again. I don't know if it's possible with everything that's happened lately, but maybe this is a place to start.