Liar | Freddie Mercury

Chapter Twenty Six

If I were given a penny each time Freddie and I made eye contact, I would be a millionaire. But when his eyes weren't directed at me, they were staring up at Pasha as she sat on his lap.

Why was she sitting on his lap when there was an empty seat beside him? I don't know.

It was hard to believe what had happened just hours earlier. I felt dazed and tired. The fact that Freddie was sitting with Pasha and Tim as if nothing had happened made me wonder if I had dreamt the entire thing.

They were sitting on the far end of the massive table while Veronica kept apologizing to me. She was apologizing for telling me that Freddie wouldn't be here, because there he was. She had no clue that he had left the store just seconds before she picked me up. I continuously told her that it was okay, but she still felt bad.

But for once, she didn't have to feel bad. His presence was the least of my concerns. I wondered if the prominent frown on his face was because of me, or the conversation he was keeping. He didn't like Tim very much. He was pretentious and full of himself. The fact that he was close to Mary didn't help either.

"Veronica, it's really okay that he's here." I assured her for the third time, my voice barely audible over the loud music.

For a brief second, my eyes fell on him once again. His smile from earlier had long left his beautiful face, and I could tell that bothersome thoughts were clouding his mind. I wondered if the walk back to the pub had opened his eyes, just as the drive here had opened mine.

My gaze then trailed to Pasha's face as she looked down at Freddie, her hands lightly pulling on strands of his messy hair. She sported an adoring smile, one I wished I could relate to.

We were hours removed from what had happened in the store and finally, my mind was able to focus again. I never even commented on all the things he said. I was overwhelmed by him in every way possible. The day had been a rollercoaster ride. From waking up and crying my eyes out to watching Freddie run from the store before Veronica could get there. It felt like a decade had passed in that time.

The pub was loud, but my ears were ringing with his words.

It was odd. I thought I'd feel satisfied after everything he said. But now I'd had the time to think, and dissatisfaction was clinging to the very core of my being. The feeling of dread and distress was resurfacing faster than I could handle. I was certain that just the slightest cough would make me vomit up every ounce of substance from within me.

I despised this feeling.

If we were anyone else in the world, everything would be perfect right now. We could build something together, our friends would be happy for us, and we would fall madly in love.

Images of what could've been flashed behind my dull eyes, and I desperately blinked, trying to remove them from my brain.

Somhow, knowing what he felt for me was worse than thinking he hated me. God, how I wished he had hated me. I wished that I would never ever have the urge to look, think, or speak of him.

The dark shadow around me was only growing as I trailed deeper and deeper into my thoughts. Without realizing it, I had been staring at him, anger evident on my face.

He was the most gorgeously stupid thing I had ever gotten myself into, and in that very moment, I hated myself for it.

I didn't want any of it anymore. I didn't want him around me, I didn't want to deal with Roger, and I didn't want Veronica to be my friend anymore. I wanted them all to vanish and I wanted to dissappear.

When his eyes landed on mine, he didn't seem at all surprised by my expression. I hated his stupid, emotionless face that was staring back at me.

How did it all go so wrong all of a sudden?

It was all good and well in the moment, when he was kissing me after finally admitting that he did have some form of feelings.

For that moment, I think we were both so relieved to have finally admitted it, we had forgotten why it couldn't happen in the first place. Now here we were, in reality, where feelings didn't matter.

Too many people had gotten involved.

I was at my wit's end. Staying away from each other never worked or helped the situation, because we kept coming back and fucking it up all over again.

I had thought of every single outcome, and all of them ended in someone's heart breaking.

I could be with him, and ruin his frienship with Roger. The band would break up, and I would be the reason why he no longer had the people he loved the most in the world.

We could stay friends and have a repeat of everything that's gone down in the last few months. We would still be driven by jealousy and we would still want each other in secret, and I would never be satisfied.

But lastly, I could get up right now, and I could leave. My heart would break, and so would his. But he said it himself, he said that he began to feel better when him and I didn't see each other for those two weeks. It would hurt and it would be difficult, but then it would all be over.

If I just got up right now and left, I would heal and I would eventually find something stable, and amazing. I could never have that with him.

We were cursed from the very start. Nothing good could come from loving him.

Suddenly, my nervous, temebling body went still. My angry expression faltered as I maintained eye contact with him. I knew what I had to do, and based on the sadness in his eyes, I could tell that he did too.

I pushed my chair out slowly, shakily getting up from my seat as my eyes remained on him and a very happy Pasha.

"I wasn't going to throw something with her away for you, because I'd lose either way. Losing Pasha doesn't mean that I gain you." Those words had been dancing around my head since I had gotten into Veronica's car. He said it himself. He wasn't going to drop what he had with Pasha for a non-existent future with me.

He said it hours ago, he knew when he walked into that store that he was never going to be with me. He told me, but I chose to listen to everything else he had said.

Freddie had thought about this too, and he knew that out of everyone, he would rather lose me.

"Joining us for a shot?" Veronica asked from beside me as she placed the small tray of shot glasses on the table.

"No."

My eyes finally broke from Freddie's as my feet carried me to the exit. My brain had made a decision that was shattering my heart with every step I took.

As soon as my shoes found the pavement outside, the sick feeling in my stomach rose, causing me to clutch my stomach as I vomited into the drain beside me.

Tears painted my cheeks as harsh sobs left my lips. I didn't give a single crap that the people around me were staring.

Option number three was the only logical one. I had to walk away, and this time, I had to stay away.

Wiping at my mouth, I continued my journey into the dark, cold streets. I didn't know where I was heading, but I wanted to make sure that there was enough distance between me and every single person associated with Freddie.