After Midnight

chapter eleven.

11 - SCARLETT
Four Hours Earlier

    My day is only getting worse.

    My meds might as well be non-existent at this point, as I feel no different than I would if I didn't take them. In fact, I feel worse.

    I'm just so sick of this world. So sick of waking up and wishing I hadn't. I knew when I was prescribed this medication that it wouldn't fix me. I've gotten used to the idea that it will always be this way. My depression is part of me now. It's an imbalance in my brain, and there's nothing I can do about that.

    I can talk it to death in therapy and pretend like these drugs are helping me, but how long will that be enough?

    I've been in bed since three in the afternoon, letting the darkness of my room comfort me while One Tree Hill plays on my TV. It's always been my comfort show. Luckily I got through my classes for the day before throwing myself in bed with cookies and a box of tissues.

    Jordyn knows something is wrong, but she also knows not to bother me with questions when I feel this way.

    Jordyn is a happy person. She always has been, so she doesn't really know how to deal with me sometimes. The reason Jor and I work so well is because of our differences. Her bright and shiny combats my dark and dreary, and somehow it works perfectly.

    As if she knows I am thinking of her, she knocks. "Come in," I mumble, pausing my show as she slowly opens the door.

    "Hi, Scar," she says quietly, looking at me with a smile as she sits on the edge of my bed.

    "Hi, Jor," I greet, mimicking her smile.

    "How are you feeling?"

    "I'm fine," I sigh, sitting up against my headboard. "Are you going out?"

    Her long braids are tied into a half-up, half-down ponytail, and her makeup is done. Her dark red lip complementing her dark skin tone. She's in black leather pants that hug her hips and a red lace crop top with fabric only covering her boobs.

    "Yes. Do you want to come with me? It's at Riley's frat. He invited you." Riley, Jordyn's boyfriend, is always getting into some trouble at that damn frat house.

    "No thanks. I think I'm gonna stay in tonight. You look hot as hell, though." Her frown from my rejection of going to the party turns into a bright, signature Jordyn smile as I compliment her.

    She stands up and gives me a twirl. "Thanks, baby. Give the braids some appreciation because they're coming out tomorrow."

    I laugh and dramatically kiss her head. "Goodbye, braids." We laugh, and Jordyn asks me one final time to join her, but I politely decline. I am really enjoying the idea of a hot bath and the apartment to myself.

    "Okay, well, I am staying at Riley's tonight, so don't wait up. I love you." She gives me a quick hug, kisses my cheek, and rushes out the door.

    Once I hear the front door slam, I let myself break down for a bit, sobbing as I scribble my thoughts into my journal. If anyone ever read anything in this journal, I'd probably be sent to the nearest mental hospital.

    After crying for what felt like hours, I rub my eyes and take something for the headache my crying has caused.

    I deserve a self-care night, honestly.

    I start running a warm bath, filling it with bubbles and a bath bomb I have been saving since the holidays. I carry my laptop in and set up a makeshift table with my laundry basket to continue my binge-watching.