Children of Van Helsing

Chapter Twenty-four - Confusion

Susanna

Two days passed and Sacha didn't wake up. We were all worried she wouldn't wake up after all and that we were stuck with a corpse now. And who would have to burry her in the back yard? Me, probably, since I always had to take care of everything. But somehow that wasn't my greatest worry.

It should be. But my mind was distracted, no matter how hard I tried. I had the feeling the whole problem with Sacha would work itself out. But now, all I could think of is what had happened.

Right after I had had a talk with Regina in the garden two days ago, I had gone to my room to get some rest. I wanted to scream. I wanted to scream until I could never scream anymore, I wanted to shout everything out. It was like this energy boiling inside me, wanting to come out. I needed a hunt. But even though the case my colleague had sent me hadn't been solved, I couldn't bring myself to it. I had seen enough blood and death the last few days.

Just when I was in bed, trying to sleep, since it was evening already, there was a knock on my door.

"Who is it?" I asked.

"Me!"

Ian. Did I feel like talking to him? Strangely enough, yes. Maybe he could make me laugh... Well, usually, he didn't, but to see him try was a funny thing on its own. He opened the door and walked in, shutting it behind him. Then he just stood there, in my room. The beam of light coming through my curtains, which weren't closed properly, lit his face. I could see he looked troubled.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

He kept silent and sat down on my bed, next to me. Normally I would yell at him for not taking his shoes off, but now I just sat up and looked at him. I couldn't read him. Though he always acted so open, he was just incredibly closed.

"Ian?"

He sighed. "Everything is wrong."

"We'll get through this." I said automatically. But I hardly believed it myself.

"But Sacha..." His voice broke.

He wasn't the type to cry, but he was close. He breathed in and out a few times and leaned back in the pillows. I didn't say anything, but just leaned back next to him and stared at the ceiling.

"Do you think it's my fault?" He asked.

I frowned. "No... Why would it be?"

"Because I angered him."

I sighed and lay my hand on his arm. "Regina really angered him. And still, it isn't fully her fault. It's not anybody's fault that man is a psychopath."

He cracked a smile. Short, little, but a smile. I felt somewhat proud that I had managed to make him smile. Why did that mean so much to me? And why did my cheeks turn red when he put his hand on mine, as if he was looking for support?

"Maybe you're right." He said.

"But you still feel horrible?"

He smiled without joy this time. "Yeah."

I understood. I knew what it was like to feel guilty about everything bad that happened in the world. Hell, I even felt guilty for Sacha getting killed, though I knew it wasn't my fault in any way.

"And you as well?" He asked.

"Of course." I said bitterly.

He squeezed my hand. "You shouldn't feel bad all the time, Susanna." At least he didn't call me 'Buffy'. "You deserve better."