Long Way Home | TaeKook

The Love I Lost

He never got mad at me, I was the one who always started the fight, and it always ended with him saying sorry even though it wasn't his fault in the first place.

People would say I knew next to nothing about the man, because Yoongi always hid in his shell, but they were wrong, I knew him as if I was his mother.... I had learned to read his actions, his body language so to speak.

I knew when he was lying, which almost never happens....his honesty was one thing about him that I both loved and hated...depending on the situation.

I can tell if he was happy, sad, concerned, worried, irritated, or whatever emotion most people would think he could not possible have.

I almost laughed when I also recalled that Yoongi never kissed me, I was always the one giving him a peck on the cheek, but apart from that, we shared no other intimate gestures, except for the occasional holding hands which of course, I initiated.

Then I caught myself....

Why was I thinking of all this?

Wasn't that supposed to remain the past?

I was getting married for Heaven's Sake!

I used to love Yoongi, at least that I would admit, but Jungkook is my life now...

I couldn't afford to think of Yoongi so...fondly.

Such thoughts were not expected of a man to be married.

But then again...

I didn't expect myself to go running towards Yoongi's side when he was hospitalized, what was more...I cried for him...

For making me worry so much...

For giving me the thought that he died...and left me forever...

Suddenly, I felt that I was walking on thin ice, and I just had to get out....

..fast....

------------------------------------------------------

---Yoongi's prov ----------------

I last talked to him at hospital, and that was a month ago. I didn't ask for him, I wasn't even searching for him. But Jimin came anyway, and now, I felt like I could no longer go on without him.

I wasn't used to this feeling, it was uncomfortable, and constantly irritated me...and yet no matter what it did to me, be it good or bad.....I never attempted to let that feeling go.

We last talked at the hospital, but that wasn't the last time I saw him. Although Jimin didn't seem to notice me.

I would walk pass by his Studio everyday, walking by as inconspicuously as possible, which to me...was very troublesome...

It had become my ritual, to watch him dance alone in his studio at late evenings....

Or talk about whatever it may be with Taehyung....

Or...

Pain suddenly shot through his heart...

Or as I saw how he hugged Jungkook and kissed his fiancé.

I had told all the employees to not talk about the most trending marriage of CEO Jeon Cop. I had warned my assistant to not let me on any news about that marriage.

If I went after you that day, would I be the one standing there and holding you in my arms?...

I was filled with regret, and there was nothing I could do to wash it away.

I had let go of the only one who could give me a sense of wholeness.

I had let go of the most precious treasure I ever had.

I had let go of Jimin, the only person I ever loved.

It was true then, that you only realize how important a person is to you if it was gone...and I took him for granted. Labeled him as troublesome when he tried to get into my system, ignored him when he was fussing over me, left him when he tried to be sweet...and turned my back when he told me he loved me.

And now my place in his heart was taken by another...

I smiled while watching the sun setting down through the office window, but it was bitter smile, so many years had passed and I still haven't changed. I found no courage in myself to get him back. Negative thoughts were in my mind, fear prevented my voice from telling Jimin the truth.

What is Jimin won't forgive me?

What if Jimin really loves that guy?

What if Jimin never loved me from the start?

What if Jimin was already happy being with Jungkook?

But I could do nothing to win his heart back, then I would just try to ask for his forgiveness. For all the wrong he has done to him, it was the least I could do. It wasn't too much to ask for right?

I only hoped that he would accept my apology, I would gladly accept his screams. It would be fine with me even if he slapped me, if it was what it takes to have his forgiveness, then so be it.

I would gather my courage to walk up to him and apologize, but I was an emotional wreck right now, I wasn't ready for it...

I wasn't ready for him...

So, I did what I always do ever since I chose to watch over him every day, like I always did when we were still together, it was the only thing I was good at anyway...

My thoughts were interrupted by the knock... "Mr. Min the meeting is about to start in 5 minutes, the stake holders are waiting in the room."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What a mess I have done, my characters are all turned into emotional wreck....