Don't Give Up On Me

Chapter 5

As the chemo dripped from the iv into Merediths arm, she tried to block it all out. Block out the nauseous feeling she was having, the shakiness she was feeling, and block out that this was even happening.

"How are you feeling?" Derek asked softly. Meredith looked at him. "Fine. Nothing yet." She responded. "Dr Swender said it could take some time." He said. "I know."

Derek knew that Meredith was doing what she did best; avoiding and shutting out. And that's what she was doing. Avoiding the whole cancer thing and shutting him out.

"How's it going?" Dr Bailey asked, walking into the room. "Fine." Meredith replied, beads of sweat forming on her forehead. "I think you have a fever Grey." Bailey said. "I'll page Swender just to make sure."

A few minutes later, Dr Swender came In. "Dr Grey, how are you feeling?" She asked, looking at the monitors. "Cold." Meredith admitted. Derek looked at her, and she was pale, sweaty and shaking, looking nothing like the Meredith he knew.

"It's just a side effect of the chemo. We'll give you sometning to get the fever down, but we can't do much more." Dr Swender replied. Meredith nodded weakly and pulled the blankets over her tightly.

"If you need anything else domt hesitate to page." Swender said before leaving. "Hang in there Grey. You're doing good." Bailey praised.

•••

Meredith felt the chemo start to really take affect. But she didn't want Derek to know that she was weak. "Derek?" Meredith asked, mustering the strength to speak.

"Yeah?" Derek replied immediately. "Can you go get me a cheeseburger and fries from the cafeteria?" She asked with a sweet smile. "Really? You feel that good?" Derek asked in surprise.

"Yes. And I really want those fries." Meredith said with a smile. "Okay. I'll be right back." Derek replied, quickly going down to the cafeteria.

Right as he left, Meredith sunk back into the pillows , trying to stop the nausea. Meredith shot up and grabbed the empty basin by her bedside and starting emptying her stomach.

"Easy, Grey." Richard said calmly, coming into the room after seeing Meredith alone and sick. Meredith groaned and hunched over the basin, throwing up some more.

"You're okay. It's alright." Richard soothed, rubbing her back. Meredith eventually laid back into the pillows, letting Richard move the basin.

"Where's Derek?" Richard asked with a frown. "Sent him to get food." She responded. Richard raised his eyebrow. "There's no way you would've eaten it." He said.

Meredith didn't say anything. Then realization hit him. "You didn't want him to see you like this." Richard said. Meredith nodded and looked away.

"Meredith, Derek loves you. Let him In. He'll Help you, he's a good man." Richard said as he noticed
Merediths eye lids flutter shut. "Goodnight Meredith." Richard said.

•••

Derek came back to a quiet room. Once he saw  Meredith sleeping, he frowned. 10 minutes ago she was happy and hungry. He had a feeling she wasn't letting him in to how she felt.

He put the bag on food down on the table and sat down, head in his hands. The reality of the situation was still hitting him.

He saw cancer patients all the time. He saw the side affects that chemo had. And he wasn't prepared for Meredith to experience them, but if she were to, he wanted to be there for her and help her through them.

"How's she doing? Webber told me she just threw up." Dr Swender asked quietly. Derek frowned. "She threw up?" He asked.

"That's what he said. You weren't here?" Swender questioned. "She asked me to to get some food so I was gone for like 10 minjtes." Derek answered. Hr knew she wasn't letting him in.

"Just keep an eye out for her. She'll probably get sick when she wakes up." She warned before leaving.

•••

Meredith woke up with a jolt, and she threw up all over her lap. Derek was at her side in a flash as she threw up, substituting her lap for the basin.

Meredith whimpered as the threw up and Derek felt helpless. "It's okay. It's okay. You're alright. I'm
Here." Derek murmured.

"Domt feel good." Meredith mumbled with tears in her eyes. "I know. It'll be done soon. Close your eyes." Derek said softly, moving to the bed and taking her in his arms, wary of the her Iv's.

"Derek." Meredith cried. "I got you. I'm here." He whispered.

Meredith eventually relaxed in his arms and Derek knew she was asleep. Never in his life has Derek ever felt this helpless. His Meredith was in pain and she was sick. Really sick. And he couldn't do anything about it.

"Her BP just dropped. Did she throw up?" A nurse asked sympathetically as she came in. Derek nodded. "I'll adjust her fluids real quick." She said.

Derek watched as the nurse did her thing and held Meredith in his arms. She felt so small, so weak right now. "Your gonna survive this, Mer. We're gonna survive this." Derek whispered.

Day 1 of chemo.

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