Walk With Me

4. Home Again

"Morning, Mom," I smile, walking beside her to give her a hug. I think I've missed my mom the most. I've missed many things about this town, but her strength and comfort have to be at the top of that list.

"Good morning, Sweetheart," she smiles back.

"You didn't have to make breakfast again," I acknowledge before making my way to the coffee. I know she won't stop, it's what she does. She's a giver, always has been.

"Oh, I was up and planning to make it for myself anyway. Besides, I just love that little smile when she comes out in the morning."

I know the smile she is talking about. I love that smile too. "Speaking of, I'm going to go wake her up. She's got a big day."

I walk down the hall, passing the family photos. I look at the various memories as kids. The ones when life was innocent. When my world was only as big as my family. The very family I thought was so perfect. It was perfect, until it wasn't. Just like the family I've created for Mia. The family I let fall apart.

I take a deep breath, pushing down all of the anguish before opening her door. Her pink curtains are closed tight, only letting a small sliver of light shine through the center of the room. I glance at the poster of the ballerina on the wall, smiling at the tutu sitting below it. Another thing to add to my list today. Find her a dance class. One that I can actually afford.

I sit on the edge of her unicorn bedspread before placing my hand gently on her cheek. "Good morning, Sunshine," I whisper.

She grumbles a bit, ignoring my words before turning over. I smile at her struggle. I used to enjoy sleep too. I laugh quietly before leaning down to kiss her forehead. "It's time to wake up. It's beautiful outside. I'm thinking, beach day."

Her small delicate eyes finally flicker open, squinting up at me as she stretches her petite little body.

"Is daddy coming with us?" she mumbles mid stretch.

My body freezes at her comment. I hoped this would get easier. Each time she asks, I always give the same response, hoping that one day it won't hurt so much to say it. I think the opposite is happening. I think it's more difficult every time I have to repeat myself. Every time I have to admit that I tore us apart.

"Remember, Daddy isn't coming. He still lives in New York," I say gently, trying to cushion the landing as much as possible.

"Why?" her little voice asks. Why seems to be the question that follows every statement I make. But in this case, this why always seems to break my heart.

I scoot in closer to her, draping an arm across her. "Mommy and Daddy just need a little time. But I want you to know something," I add.

"What?"

I smile at her, pushing back the tears that always seem to want out in these moments. "We both love you very much. I bet you that your daddy is thinking about you right now. Sending you all of the love in the world. Do you feel it?"

A small smile begins to form on her face before her eyes light up. "I think I do."

My smile widens now, seeing the joy on her face. "See? I know it's hard not having him here, but even though we can't see him, doesn't mean he isn't still here with you."

She sits up now, swinging her arms around me. I lean into her, wrapping her up in my arms. This is my favorite hug. I could hold her in my arms for the rest of my life. This is all I need.

"Mommy," she says quietly.

"Yes, babe?"

"Do you feel it too? Do you feel daddy's love all around you?"