Bullet in the Heart - Professor Lupin

I hate you

"And Miss Bluehorn, I'm not sure what you were doing outside at this hour but I must remind you about your boundaries on participating in physical activity until further notice is given", I ignored her words and continued back to house in fear that I had gone to the wrong person. Then again why was she so sure that it wasn't him, that there was no danger. I pushed my thoughts to the side and hurried back to my dorm to shower before lessons started. 

§§

I went to Breakfast with Charlie and watched as May, Tom and Jake laughed together at the other end of the table. It hurt that Tom and Jake hadn't even bothered to speak to me, hear my side - it was as though they didn't even miss me. I looked further along to the few Professors drinking their morning tea and munching away at their eggs. Sprout had stood up and was making her way towards our table. I realised my plate was empty, I quickly grabbed some bacon and a bowl of cereal. 

"Good morning girls", Sprout sounded jumpy as usual. We nodded to her grumpily, as we awaited a full day of lessons. "Miss Bluehorn, I've heard that you have been skipping your defence against the dark arts lessons. Now I've checked with the Infirmary and the Library, neither of them could give me an excuse as to why you have not been attending, so what is yours?" Charlie looked over to me in confusion, she wasn't in my class so she didn't know why I was skipping them either, she was also eagerly waiting for an explanation. 

"Um -- I was -- sleeping", the first thing that came to mind. It was quite clever to be honest as our DADA classes were always first period. 

"Ah well I know that sleep is very important especially for you girls as exams are slowly approaching but please refrain from using your lesson time for this as you shouldn't be wasting any learning time!" her voice stuttered, she always did this when she was telling someone off.

"Of course Professor", I grinned sarcastically waiting for her to return to her table. 

"Now I've had a peak at your timetable and it seems you have it today Period 1 so I will be checking with Professor Lupin that you attended", and with that she smiled at Charlie and some other students sat around us and walked back. 

"Sleeping?" Charlie laughed in disbelief but didn't ask any questions. I always liked that about Charlie she was a curious person but she never overstepped and never asked questions which she didn't have to know. 

After breakfast Ced dragged me to DADA along with the other Hufflepuffs. As we rushed down the corridor due to our tardiness my heart started to beat faster and my palms began to sweat. I just had to keep my head down and ignore him, that's all I had to do. That's what I told myself. We arrived in the classroom to see almost everyone already in their seats watching the Professor ramble about something I had never heard about before. I didn't want to look at him but I couldn't stop myself, he looked so weak and feeble. His face had new scars engraved upon it and  the shadows beneath his eyes were darker than I had ever seen them. No smile was drawn across his face instead a look of utter exhaustion over took his usual manner of happiness. I sat down at the back hoping I wouldn't get a snarky comment. The first twenty minutes I kept my head down doodling eyes on the side of my parchment until the comment came. 

"Ah - you've decided to join us again Miss Bluehorn", I kept my head down but let my eyes subtly look through my eyebrows. A short smile shone from his face but I didn't reciprocate my own. He looked back to the class as if he had just been stabbed in the chest. I felt bad but at the same time I wondered why I was even there, he couldn't do anything if I just left. His voice droned on in the background as I let myself lose my mind in my own thoughts. It was a bad idea everything was buzzing and this time I couldn't stop it. It was too much and being in the same room as the Professor just made me even more angry. My eyes wandered to the big clock standing in the corner of the classroom slowly ticking away. I got up, grabbed my stuff and walked out the room. Everyones eyes followed me as I headed towards the door. I didn't care what they thought, what he thought, what he would do I just couldn't do it anymore. 

"Miss Bluehorn, you can't just leave", his low raspy voice shouted after me, I happily ignored it and walked on. His heavy footsteps followed me but my pace just became quicker. "STOP", he shouted angrily, "Stop right now and look at me." I stood still and turned with a blank face. 

"WHAT?" I shouted back. 

"What is wrong with you?" his voice made me even more angry and the emotions I was holding down just flowed out without control. 

"What is wrong with me? I hate this school, I hate my friends, I hate my family and I hate you. I hate everything about my entire stupid life. So you can give me detention, you can yell at me and you can do whatever the fuck you want because honestly I wish I was dead. I don't feel anything anymore. And you wanna know the best part? I don't even care." I screamed back. His face had gone pale and his eyes were struck with sadness and regret. I heard no response. "So just leave me alone because I don't give a fuck about you, about anything!" My breath was shaking and I didn't want to seem weak so I turned and ran down the corridor in fear of my own thoughts, in fear of what I had just said. I didn't care what they Professor had to say because he was the last person I wanted to see. 

hey guys just wanted to say sorry for uploading any chapters recently I have had a lot of school. This chapter feels quite rushed and I might re write it later but I just wanted to give you guys something! Also thank you for the support! xxxx