Bullet in the Heart - Professor Lupin

remember, it's a sin to kill a mockingbird

I had been alone at the back of the infirmary all week, staring at the ceiling, thinking. Every now and then Professor Sprout came by and gave me some work to do and reassured me that my friends were told I was not allowed to be visited due to new infirmary rules. I was lonely but I had tried to leave quite a few times but had always been halted by Madame Pompfrey who patiently explained to me that if I left she would be the one getting in trouble. I accepted that and so sat up in my bed and watched the sun slowly set, hoping this would be last night stuck in this hard uncomfortable bed. 

The stars slowly began to cover the sky, the clouds had cleared off and it was easy to spot a few constellations that I had learned back in third year. Astrology was never really my thing but I enjoyed just watching the stars, and for once not knowing what they meant. I turned to my night table to grab my muggle book that Sprout had kindly brought me when I saw a shadow accompanied by a set of footsteps approach me. It was quite late I thought, the stars were up and Pompfrey hadn't be around to check in at least an hour or so. But then I recognised the tall shadow. 

He looked down at my hand in reach of the book, he studied the book for a silent moment before returning his stern glance to me. I avoided his gaze and reverted myself to my book. It was an uncomfortable silence, I didn't understand why he was here.

"To Kill A Mockingbird?" he asked curiously as I found my bookmarked page. The book was old, I had gotten it a second hand shop and read it hundreds of times. The cover was battered and stained with coffee and cigarette burns, the pages were turning light brown and fraying at the edges. Overall, the book was not a pretty sight to look at it, one could hardly make out the title. 

"Shoot all the bluejays you want, if you can hit 'em-" I was quickly cut off by him.

"but remember it's a sin to kill a mockingbird." he finished for me. I was stunned for a moment, how could he know the book, a muggle novel. I lifted my gaze upon him, my face was full of questions and I'm sure he could tell. I was not ready to give him a smile yet, so my stern face just rested upon his. "I quite enjoy reading muggle novels myself, something different, they let you escape this world and enter another", he spoke quietly. I was astonished to hear the exact answer I would have given him if the question would have been reversed. I slowly nodded my head and turned my concentration back to the dirty pages. 

The silence continued but I didn't like it, "Why are you here Professor?"  I asked hoping he would notice the subtle annoyance I tried to string to the question. 

"I'm sorry-" I quickly cut him off, I didn't have time for his stupid pity.

"Sorry? What sorry that I slept with so many boys that eventually they just began to criticise my body in revenge? Sorry that my father doesn't even care that I don't eat, that I could die from this? Sorry that I caused this myself?" I started to mimic a child's voice, "Sorry that you didn't know? That you can't help?" I realised I had taken it a bit far, I took a deep breath and leaned myself back against the cold metal framing of the bed. His face was filled with pity, but he quickly controlled it. 

"I'm sorry Miss Bluehorn that I judged from the outside, I wouldn't want you to do that to me, so I apologise" he said completely composed and calm looking, if anything I had be the one to jump to conclusions this time. I let out a heavy sigh and rolled my eyes. "I hope to see you in class soon, sleep well", and with that he began to stride back to the infirmary door, his overcoat floating behind him. 

I was fed up of people caring, but I'm not too sure if that was care or just trying to make something right? The Professor was a kind man and had already kept a secret for me, I wasn't particularly repaying him with mine. 

§§

The next morning I opened my eyes to three sets of eyes staring at me from above my bed, I straightaway recognised them. I gave a faint smile and hoped that my nose still looked pretty bad. Three smiled were returned with great joy. 

"Looks pretty cool doesn't it? Blood and all, like I've fought off a monster or something even worse" I joked to lighten the stiff infirmary mood that drifted around the room. 

"Your such an idiot Iris, how could you miss the stupid Quaffel!" Jake said whilst helping himself to my pudding from last night that stood stalely on my bedside table. 

"I'm really sorry Tom!" I moaned at him trying to get some sympathy just this once so I wouldn't be blamed for utter failure throughout the whole term. 

"Iris are you serious?" his laugh echoes throughout the room, "Iris we won and anyways it doesn't matter you would have just been in the way anyway!" I joined his laugh. 

"Let's get you going then, I can't imagine why a bloody nose injury had stay here for a week?!" May said with a hint of anger in her voice. The group waited for an answer, but I didn't exactly have one.

"I don't know to be honest, I think it was about an infection I could have gotten or something, I wasn't really listening", they seemed convinced so I jumped out of bed and we headed off to first period. 

As we followed through many corridors on our way to Transfiguration, May brought up a new conversation topic, "Oh Iris by the way you won't guess who's been asking after you!" she shouted very excitedly, "Go on guess", I stayed silent and looked at the other two who had also gathered rather suspicious grins on their lousy faces, "No fun!" she sulked.

"Go on then" I said trying to sound excitedly intrigued. 

"Lupin, every lesson he asks when you're coming back" May said assuming I would be excited.

"It's pretty annoying to be honest with you" Jake replied.

"Yeah, since when are you two even close?" Tom asked suspiciously. 

"We aren't", I tried to sound innocent, I didn't want them finding out about the garden so I couldn't really tell them about my encounter, "He's a bit of a prick honestly" my offence echoed through the corridor. 

"Oh but he is so sexy!" May said flirting with me whilst batting her eyelashes and twirling in front of us. 

We all accepted May's love for our teacher and walked on worrying about getting minus 5 points from McGonagal for our tardiness.