Bullet in the Heart - Professor Lupin

learning experience

Later that evening I arrived back at the dorm feeling better and at ease after speaking to the Professor and coming to a compromise but I knew the dorm wasn't somewhere I was particularly wanted. To my luck Charlie had informed me that May was off fucking Cedric somewhere and that she probably wouldn't be back for a while. 

"I'm sorry we left this morning", Charlie tried to explain, "May said that you didn't want to come and to just let you sleep", she sounded genuine so I assumed May had lied to make sure I wouldn't turn up unwanted in Hogsmeade. "I heard what you did to Flint though!" her expression changed to one of gratitude as she probably would have done the same, "It's such bullshit that you got in trouble for it".

"In the end I didn't really", I laughed at the irony, "Professor Lupin and McGonagal kinda talked Snape down and argued that Flint wasn't the best lad behavioural wise either".

"Still, Flint should at least get something he's hurt at least half the girls in our year in some way or another", Charlie was passionate about these sorts of things but no one really knew, I think she was embarrassed for some stupid reason, "Are you okay tho?" she asked.

"No", I admitted, "but nothing I want to talk about", Charlie nodded understandably. I don't think Charlie ever had anything too bad happen to her, she was always quiet about her personal life. I knew she had younger brother in second year, I don't know much about him, he was a short little boy who I often saw hanging out with the little Weasley sister, but I never saw Charlie with him. Charlie's father was a pureblood who worked at the ministry and her mother was a muggle, they had money, quite a lot of it but Charlie never showed it. They seemed like quite a perfect family, of course no family is perfect but they were close. I think Charlie's biggest fear was failing school, having her father work at the ministry meant that she was expected to make a name for herself. 

"What about you?", I returned the empathy.

"I'm good", she smiled back grateful that I had asked. There was a silence where I tried to read her and see her honesty or her lie. I believed her, I think she was a little stressed but not doing too bad. At least she was being kind to me and accepting my silence. "Hey and don't stress about May, you guys always fight and make up again".

"This one wasn't a regular one, it felt so different and for once actually-", I was about to tell her how much May hurt me but I restrained myself before I let out too much. Charlie waited for me to finish my sentence, "Anyway I think we both just need a little time."

"Ye totally", Charlie agreed with me, she knew us both well and was always there to witness May and I's disputes but although she gave excellent advice she always kept neutral and never took a side. "So update me, any lads at the moment chasing after you", she said trying to change the conversation to a lighter topic. 

"Not at the moment, I don't think at least", I noted as there was often a younger year stalking the halls for me and I don't usually notice until I have to awkwardly explain to them that it just wouldn't work, "What about you?"

"I don't know either", she looked away to the window and thought for a moment, I waited, "The thing is there is someone. It is quite complicated but I keep asking myself what is love? Sometimes I think I really love this guy but other times it just doesn't make sense."

"Love?" I laughed at the idea of Charlie being in love, "That's something I don't think I've ever felt, what does it even feel like?" I asked curiously.

"Well I guess it's when you're scared and the only person you feel safe with is them. When you lay in their arms and feel like they would never ever let anything hurt you. The feeling that life without them just wouldn't make sense. It's having a shoulder to cry on without the fear of judgement. It's waking up in the middle of the night and wondering if they are thinking of you just as much as you are of them. I think you know love when the other person's happiness is more important than your own", I listened to her philosophy of love and wondered to myself if I had ever felt those feelings before, with anyone, "but it's also fighting for them, learning trust and faith. Shedding endless tears over them but letting them wipe them off. It's the utter madness of being completely taken over by someone else. Love is an act of surrender to another person".