Pulled Back

Chapter 7

Reaching the bottom of the stairs she could see them walking in through the kitchen.

She looked at them with an angry expression and scoffed "What the hell are you guys doing, do you not understand that I would have opened the door if I wanted you here"

Leslie backed up a little as she now saw Bianca's face clearer, outside it was dark but in the light it was worst then they really though. Bianca knew that they were just worried but she didn't want to have to explain, she just wanted to sleep.

"What the fuck is your problem!" Vanessa glared

"My problem is that your in my house, just go home and just stop trying to talk to me because I have nothing to say, I don't need to tell you anything"

Bianca felt like she was no good for them, she made stupid decisions and they didn't need her bullshit in their lives. Hell she wished she could get rid of her bullshit but it was hers and now she felt like she was drowning in it.

"NO!" Vanessa shouted "What is wrong with you, my mom just talked to Mrs.Lang and she said you've been acting different all summer"

Groaning Bianca walked towards the front door and held it open, pointing them out.

"You guys should go" Bianca said staring at the floor

"Bianca talk to us, something is obviously wrong, look at your face, you need help, everybody in the neighborhood thinks you need some help-"

"I don't need shit Vanessa, you, Mrs.Lang and EVERYONE ELSE ON THIS DAMN STREET NEED TO MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS" Bianca said, turning around when she started to yell, she hoped all of them heard her because they did need to learn how to stay out of everyone's business.

Everything started to feel farther away, the hallways looked longer then in reality, her chest tightened and it felt like her heart was being smashed in her chest but felt like it would break out at the same time.

Her legs turned wobbly and slowly she slid down the wall to the floor, pulling her knees up to her chest and holding it there tightly. She didn't know what was happening but she felt scared.

"Bianca" she could hear Leslie calling out, she could feel Leslies hand on her face but she seemed farther, Leslies voice like a soft echo in her head.

"Leave" Bianca said as everything seemed to zoom back in "please just leave" Bianca started to feel her eyes brimming with water, tears dragging down her cheeks.

"Bianca are you okay?" Vanessa asks getting closer.

Hearing her ask those words just strikes a nerve, something breaking in Bianca as her summer memories just came flying by and crashing down in a wreck.

"Get out" Bianca cried "GO!"

Leslie and Vanessa backed up looking startled, pulling herself up Bianca slightly ushered Vanessa the rest of the way before closing the door, locking it. She leaned her head against the door as they start knocking again.

"Bianca open the door please, just talk to us Bee" Leslie begging on the other side of the door but Bianca just couldn't.

She continued to think about how they didn't deserve her as a best fried, Leslie was one of the sweetest people you could meet and Vanessa was always trying to help, Bianca yelled at both of them, told them to get out because they were worried about her, some best friend Bianca was.

She felt ashamed of herself, pathetic. She didn't deserve them and they didn't deserve her, that was the only thing she could think. Running over to the door leading to the garage she heard the handle jiggle, slamming all her weight against it and locking it.

She felt like she shouldn't be crying, she brought it upon herself.

She cried there on the floor until she heard the garage door closing and her car door close to. Staring up at the knives maybe it wouldn't be so bad if she wasn't there, she was just a waste of space she though.

Those thoughts made her sobbing worst, a shattering scream ripping out of her as she curled up into a ball and clamped her hands across her mouth. Screaming into her hand as her breaths did little stutters as she tried to catch her breath behind closed fists.

She kept her hand there ignoring her need for more air, she didn't want others to hear her cry's from behind the thin walls.

Bianca knew her friends knew something was wrong, she just kicked them out but so help her she wasn't going to tell them.

She didn't want them to know, they just couldn't know, they couldn't help her and the last thing she wanted was to feel more of a disappointment, she just couldn't have that. She would honestly rather them not be friends and them hating her then to tell them what's going on with her and feel like some kind of burden on them. Her problems were her's and they always had this need to fix things.

But maybe she just couldn't be fixed.

She crawled towards her mother's liquor cabinet and grabbed the wine bottle, standing up and dragging her feet as she walked upstairs and plopping down on her bed

She chose the shittiest guy, she wondered why he didn't love her too, he says he does but she knew he didn't... she just wanted him to mean it.

She wanted to know why her dad didn't stay just a year more for her, was it her fault, did she do something wrong, if so what did she do.

Anthony had been hiding something from her for five years, they all were, she could feel it.

Maybe that was her fault too, she always seemed to feel responsible for the problems in her life, it was her life after all.

Julian, she asked herself if she was pretty enough, or if she was just stupid and worthless like Julian always said.

Bianca's thoughts continued throughout the night, sleep never came to her and the sun started to come up before she could even realize. Standing she looked out the window to Vanessa pulling out of her driveway and down the street.

Bianca wanted to be alone, she didn't want to see anyone right then, she felt like she was better off alone, or at least that's what she thought she wanted.