tongue tied (Karl x oc)

forty one

"Could you truly see yourself in a relationship..?" Karl asked me as we spoke about relationships, unsure of how it was even brought up, but we had gotten to a deep point into it.
"I think so..If he's there for me, I need a lot of reassurance, you know I get it from you, but I think that maybe that would be a problem too, you would get like replaced.." I chuckled as I turned to him, he furrowed his eyebrows, "What the honk, you would let a random boy replace me?"
"I guess that depends how much I care about him.." I stared at Karl with a grin and he widened his eyes, "Wow..Me or mr beast..?" Karl asked me and I chuckled, "JIMMY!"
"Wow, I hope we never run into him. Guess I have to watch my back huh..?"
"Yup!"

**

There had to be a different reality where I didn't have to do this, I cared about him so much...I really wish I didn't have to hurt him. I bit my lip nervously as I lifted my fist to his door, knocking on it.
I awaited for him to open it...waiting...waiting, every second making me feel like I was suffocating.

The door opened widely and he smiled at me, excited of my unexpected visit. His apple cheeks laid beneath his eyes, blue eyes gazing into mine, I felt my heart drop, and I knew he could tell something was wrong because I didn't smile back, his face dropped, "Do you want to come inside..?" He mumbled, I nodded anxiously still having not said a word to him.

I stepped inside and made my way onto his couch, as he shut the door, he turned to me, standing before me, "You don't want to be my girlfriend right..?" He studied me carefully and I opened my mouth to speak but it felt so dry...I couldn't come up with the words, so I just shut it again, staring down at my hands.

"Riley..?" He mumbled and I looked up at him again, "That's not it. I do..but I can't Jimmy.." I sighed finally able to say something, "I mean I don't." I felt my words shifting at a million miles per hour in my head, I couldn't keep track of what was going on anymore. "I knew something was off..something changed, before you left with Karl...it's like you just disconnected with me.." Jimmy stepped closer to me, sitting at a distance beside me, I turned my gaze to him, "I'm in love with Karl." I spat, tears falling from my eyes, "Oh..I feel like I should've seen that one coming..but the way he talked about you.." Jimmy turned to stare at the coffee table, I stared at him, he was so let down and that broke me.
"The way he talked about me..?"
"Yeah, it was like you weren't even a girl..just Riley, but I should've seen it coming, just how obsessed he is with you, he was constantly calling you, texting you...So how did this happen..?" Jimmy asked without shifting his gaze and I sighed,
"He kissed me, he wasn't sure what he was feeling and turns out he doesn't wanna lose me to you...he was feeling like he would be replaced.." I explained, Jimmy chuckled to himself, his gaze turned to me now, "But turns out he just replaced me right? Cause we were something first..you two were just..friends."
"Best..friends. Jimmy I didn't wanna hurt you..i'm truly sorry.."
"Well you did, both of you did...i'm so astonished, how didn't I see this coming..?" Jimmy stood up, stepping out of his living room, I sat there unsure of what to do anymore, I should leave, but i honestly didn't want to, I wasn't done talking to him. He swiftly walked back into the room, staring at me, seeming like he was searching for the right words,
"Jimmy, I want to talk more deeply about it, if you would care to.." I patted the couch next to me and he shook his head, "I can stand. So please, what would you like to say Riley..?" He raised his eyebrows at me, waiting, and I was waiting, I felt like my brain was frozen on a loading screen, refreshing and refreshing but it didn't work. I shifted my eyes down to my hands again, "I don't want you to hate me." I felt tears drop from my eyes onto my cheeks and Jimmy sighed, "I couldn't hate you Riley. I'm just really hurt.." I looked over at him again, wiping my eyes, "I truly didn't expect for any of this to happen, I used to tell Karl when we were teens that I wanted to marry you, it was silly back then, of course, but now I got to know you, and honestly I feel like Riley back then would hate me for what i'm doing now, because you truly have been, so amazing with me, but Karl is just-"
"Karl, of course. Your rock. You two do everything together I understand. It's okay Riley...Don't beat yourself up about it, I'm happy you're happy, that's all that's ever mattered to me..I'm just let down, I wish I kissed you more, really held onto you while i had you, cause now you're just gone.." Jimmy sighed, making his way beside me, I glanced at him and I sighed too, "I still really like you if that makes you feel better, we can still be friends.."
Jimmy chuckled, "Friends, yea..of course.."
"Im serious Jimmy, we could be great friends, I still really care about you..maybe I can help you find someone else.." I smiled at him, he rolled his eyes, "Definitely not. Maybe in a few years.."
"Well, let me know, now I have to head home..but i'm glad you could..listen, and not hate me.." I stood up, Jimmy stuck gazing at the coffee table, I cleared my throat and he looked up at me, standing up and walking me to his front door, I pulled him into a tight hug, "I think i'll always like you.." He mumbled into my ear, I shut my eyes tightly, allowing him to let his feelings out. "Karl's so lucky.." He added,
"I'll probably still be here if you change your mind.." Jimmy pulled away, smiling softly at me, I smiled back and opened the door, walking out sadly, I looked back and waved as I got into my car, Jimmy staring at me until I drove away.