love, or the lack thereof (p. davidson)

ten

"Why'd you quit the other shit?"

"Hmm?"

"What made you stop the other drugs and only smoke weed?"

Pete's eyebrow was raised at me as he asked me the question. We had spent hours in the McDonald's talking and actually getting to know each other.

After, he asked if I wanted to go back to his place with him. I agreed, seeing I had nothing else better to do.

We sat in the living room of his house he lived in with his mom and sister. Both of them were out so it was just us two.

"Honestly... I guess I just didn't want to die as much as I thought I wanted to." I shrugged and looked down at my nails, picking them.

He didn't say anything. I looked up to see his face but he didn't seem shocked by my answer like I would expect most people to be.

"You struggle with not going back to them?"

"I mean yeah I guess, but it's really only when I get super fucking depressed. Like I'm depressed all the time but when it gets worse is when it gets harder to control myself."

He looked at me with sad eyes.

"I'm sorry you have to deal with that."

"What do you mean?"

He shuffled around on the couch and his hands rested on his lap.

"Like I'm sorry you feel shitty all the time, I deal with bpd and Crohn's along with other shit, so I kinda know what it's like."

"bpd?" I asked turning my direction more towards Pete.

"Borderline personality disorder... it's a form of depression."

"Jesus I'm sorry you gotta deal with that shit." I said

"It's whatever I got diagnosed like almost three years ago, so I've learned how to cope." He shrugged showing a sad smile.

We both sat in a comfortable silence for a couple of minutes.

"Do you wanna go up to my room?" Pete said

"Sure." I said quietly

Both getting up from the couch he began to lead the way to his bedroom. Trailing behind him, we passed the kitchen and walked down a long hall where I noticed a bathroom and two rooms. One I was assuming was his sisters whom he told me about while we were at McDonald's.

"It's pretty small but enough for me." He said turning his head over his shoulder to give me a small smile before opening the bedroom door.

He let me in the room first and closed the door behind him. He was right the room wasn't very big, with only a bed in the corner with a small night stand next to it, and a dresser in the corner across from the bed.

A couple of random posters hung on the one slanted wall.

"I like it." I said continuing to look around before finding a place to sit on the floor.

He stared at me with a smirk as I sat down and he soon followed suite taking a spot on the hardwood across from me.

"Can I ask you something?" I said looking up at Pete who was looking down at his feet.

"Yeah of course." He said back now looking up at me.

"Before your dad died, was it nice to have a normal family." I was hoping the question didn't come off as offensive.

"Hey don't worry about offending me." He said leaning forward to touch my knee, telling I was worried.

I only nodded as I waited for his response. He took his hand off of my knee and leaned back against the night stand that was behind him.