𝗦𝗰𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗮𝗹 🤍

•𝗬𝗼𝘂'𝗿𝗲 𝗙𝗶𝗿𝗲𝗱•

I couldn't deal with it for much longer, it was like I don't even exist to him anymore, performing, like usual recently, was gonna be awkward as fuck. The only good thing about this show was that it got me away from Brandi for a couple of days because she couldn't be bothered to come here for the short amount of time we're here for, god was I thankful for this break, even if it is small as hell.

She's been on tour with me for the last few weeks, much to my dismay, it was ultimately at her insistence that she tagged along for the rest of the tour.

She wasn't there for the opening couple of weeks, but by the end of July she wanted to come with me, I couldn't argue so I had to have her linger around me like a bad smell.

Having Brandi on tour wasn't good in any way, shape or form... Vince avoided me like the plague, more so than before if that was even possible before and after every show he'd disappear into his dressing room and not come out until he was needed just to get away from me, Tom and Mick tried to bullshit excuses for him as not to hurt me... but I knew seeing me with Brandi was hurting him, no... destroying him and it was destroying me too.

If only he knew I didn't want her there as much as he did.

Plane rides were as bad, moving country to country with Vince always isolating himself at the back of the plane away from Doc and Doug, away from Tommy and Mick... away from me.

He would look over at me every few seconds, the reason I knew that is because I do the same thing to him... we've met each other's eyes a few times but he just looks away... every time it happens though I see the sadness in his eyes, I've even seen him fight back tears... it made my heart ache, I just want him back in my arms.

But no, I'm stuck with a gold digger.

Lucky me.

Shit with Brandi was going south fast but I don't care, I want it too, she was making me miserable. I miss having someone to love and someone actually loving me.

I'm trying to find a way to talk to him, maybe I'll get a chance here seems as there's no Brandi around, one can only hope.

Russia was pretty cool actually, literally and figuratively, I hadn't been here before so it was a nice change of culture, I felt bad for these people though, being oppressed like that sucks... I know what it's lie because I was oppressed by my mom and her boyfriends, and Doc is oppressing me right now- I can't relate to these people, not in exactly the same way but it's some sort of understanding.

Right now today, the four of us were backstage of the festival waiting for set begin, it'll be nice to listen to some of the other guys before we go on- we were headlining this concert so we weren't on first.

All of us had got changed and made up before I went to sort something out with the guy who's looking after my basses- once that was dealt with though I didn't really have anything else to do and I couldn't hang around backstage here for too long, sooner or later someone will come over to me completely trashed and try to talk to me- I'm not in the mood to deal with drunk rockstars right now, even if they are friends.

With nothing else to do and my desperation not to be seen I decide to head back to the safety of the assigned Mötley dressing room, I get there rather quickly and find the previously closed door wide open, when I stand in the doorway I see Vince sat at one of the vanity tables with a eyeliner pencil in his hand.