How to Survive (LGBTQ+)

Rainbows and Unicorns

So, if you read two chapters ago (The I did a thing one); then you're aware that yesterday I came out to my aunt. My aunt told me a ton of great advice, which I mainly shared with you all yesterday. I left out a piece (because my memory is shit) that I just remembered that struck a cord with me.

"Unfortunately, some people are only going to see you as a lesbian. You're not a doctor, or a teacher, or a student, a racecar driver, or a human, you are your sexuality."

My explanation: Some people are dicks. Well, okay, no. That's not what she meant. What she actually meant is that homophobes don't see you for yourself. You become solely gay, bisexual, pan, asexual, transgender, etc. You are less human for your sexual preferences, and you will never be more than who you love. You aren't the nurse that is giving them life-saving fluids; you're not the college grad trying to make a living; you're not their neighbor that stopped their house from burning down.

You're a fag, a slut, a dyke, a whore, a prude, you're confused, you're wrong, you're sinful.

You're not human.

Of course, you and I know that that's incorrect; after all, most people would just be rulers if a person was simply their sexuality.

But on the other hand, when I first came out to myself, I lost myself for a month or so. I was wondering how to appear more gay, I did push-ups because that was stereotypical, I considered cutting my hair and buying more masculine clothes. But then I realized that that's not me. I hate when I have short hair, it just doesn't look good on me. I like more masculine clothes, but I pair them with what I want, and choose whether I want to look androgynous or not. And as for the push-ups, well, I need all the muscle I can get. So far I can do 7 without stopping and screaming "I'M WEAK!!!". 

I became so obsessed with fitting into this preconceived notion of what it means to be gay that I was willing to throw out my personality, and wardrobe, even though it really wasn't necessary. We've all seen someone in our community who is very flamboyant and is the one that straight girls claim to have 'great gaydar' on. There's nothing wrong with being flamboyant, but you need to assure yourself that you are doing it because that's who you are; not because you are lost and don't know how to act or what to think or what to do. Finding out is scary, and hard, but you're not lost; you're simply misguided. You need someone to hold your hand and point you to the right direction. 

*Grabs your hand; ignores your shriek of protest when you feel how cold my hands are* If you're misguided, you just keep doing what you're doing. You don't need to 'be' a certain way to be who you are; you don't have to raise or lower your voice or whatever to be yourself. Be yourself and come to terms with your sexuality, but remember that it isn't the only part of you.

*Removes frigid grip* Ok?

I mean, yes, I have certain stereotypes I conform to. I have my right ear pierced, I love button-downs, I look at girls, I watch Orange is the New Black, I can dissect things and not freak out, whatever. But that's me. I still wear make-up, blow kisses to people, skip down hallways, talk to myself, make alcohol jokes, point out guys for my friends, hell, I still spin around for hours when a chair has wheels. When you come to terms with your sexuality, you don't have to be anyone's definition but your own. You don't have to like pink, or black, or love Lady Gaga or hate her. (I really love her though. Queen.) 

Your sexuality is like your physical appearance, in a way. Sure, it's an important part of you, but it's not everything. There's more to you than just your body or your face or who you like (or don't like) to date and kiss and who you can see the rest of your life with. 

Main point: Some people might only see you as one thing, but trust me, you're so much more than that.