(TW: Brief mentioning of suicide, depression)
I stood in the mirror looking at myself
My body
I hated what stared back at me. How could one be so unattractive?
Everything on me was wrong- to my head down to my toes.
"You're so ugly" I spat to the mirror. Tears stung at my eyes- and I began crying.
I felt so unattractive. I am so unattractive. My insecurities mixed with my depression always got the best of me, bringing me down whenever I felt the least bit happy. Sadness was the norm for me. Feeling clouded even when the sun was shining was my everyday mood.
Today though...today made me feel a different kind of upset. A different kind of hole in my stomach. I don't know why everything was so intensified.
I hated myself. I wanted to end it all. End all the pain and suffering- get rid of the hurt.
I just don't wanna hurt anymore. Life had gotten to be too much. I don't think I can go on
"You're dumb, unworthy, not good enough!" I screamed
I turned away from the mirror- utterly disgusted with myself.
"I don't wanna feel this anymore" I sobbed. All my stomping and screaming is probably what persuaded Aiden to knock on the bedroom door.
"Nadia? Baby are you okay?" He asked
Usually whenever he asked me about how I felt, I would lie and say I was fine. I never wanted to dump all my problems on Aiden, he didn't deserve that.
It's not fair to put all of this on him.
"Babe?" He called out when I didn't answer
"GO AWAY PLEASE" I cried. I just wanted him to leave.
He didn't leave though. He slowly walked into our shared bedroom and looked at the emotional wreck that was me.
"Baby? Baby what's wrong?" He quickly came to my side and hugged me. I wanted to push him away.
I don't deserve him
He deserves better than me. I was everything he didn't need.
"Aiden, please" I began while jerking away from him
"No! You're not gonna shut me out this time. You're hurt- tell me what's hurting you"
"I'm fine!"
"Obviously you're not! Baby you gotta help me help you. Tell me what's going on"
We stood silenced for a while. He didn't rush me, and I appreciated that. He stayed rubbing my back and wiping the stray tears from my face.
"I just...I just don't feel good...mentally. Everything hurts" I explained
He nodded. Aiden knew of my mental health problems, and he dealt with them accordingly. He always offered his help, love, and support but gave me space when he knew I needed it.
"Sometimes baby, it's okay to let me help you. You don't need to be going through this stuff alone. I don't want you to go off the deep end" He said
I felt multiple kisses on my cheeks and forehead.
"I love you Nadia. Believe me when I say I love everything about you. I will always be here for you- always by your side. You don't have to go through this alone. We'll work through this together" Aiden cooed in my ear
I smiled a little.
"Really?" I questioned with that same smile
"Really" My boyfriend confirmed
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Sorry for mistakes ❤️
