Metanoia

~26~ My Note to You

You have come across the last chapter of Metanoia. If you read up to this point, thank you. <3

Happy readings!

C H R I S T I A N

I stare at the candle-lit cake that was specially made for her. The candles spoke to me like they did every year. I like to imagine it's her way of sending me quirky little signs.

Any sign, to fill this hole in my chest.

That's all I need. Anything to know that she is still out there, watching over me. Telling me what to do and how to do it. Till this day her voice lingers in my mind, swiftly as if she was right there next to me.

I stared at the pen and note pad cautiously choosing my next few set of words. My fingers rub the dog tag necklace wrapped around my neck.

"That got you looking at me", Her words flow through my mind. Especially the ones that started it all. The ones that spoke to me, telling me this is her. She is the one. She was so confident in that shell of hers. It's what I loved most about her. I pictured her standing there with her jeans and plain top on. Her hands were placed on their hips with a daring look. I'll do anything to see that again in front of me.

Her birthday comes every year and passes by. As it passes, I spend my time focusing on things to not make me think of the worst. I try to remain positive. Reaming positive consists of doing what makes me happy and being around people that make me feel just as good as Marlie did.

To this day it's hard for me. I can't sleep and most nights I won't eat. And I sure have been giving my new roommate a taste of an Armstrong. She of course is getting used to it. Who knew I could be living with such a girly girl? The complete opposite of Marlie.

Tears soak the paper as I continue to write. Even the extra pair of soft, warm-toned arms wrapped around me couldn't bring me back from feeling like complete shit. A simple kiss was left on my head, bringing me back to focus.

I try to think why I am still holding on so tight when it's been five years. I should be moving on, making new experiences, and loving people. After all, that's all she wanted for me. Dexter mentioned it to, on the day of her funeral. She wants me to find love somewhere else and move on.

This should be my letting go letter. The letter that sets me free from this everlasting mourn that eats me up inside.

Marlie Hamilton has done wonders to my life. The only way I can think of repaying her is to remember her, to set my life and live it how she imagined it for me, mainly how I imagined it for myself. She set me free of the past and showed me the way to redemption and changing for the better.

I loved her not for the way she looked, or the way she acted. I loved her for the way she loved her family. She showed me the true meaning of love and always being there for someone.

Her family was what mattered to her the most.

So, I write this letter to you Mr. and Mrs., Hamilton to not only tell you how much I miss her. But to apologize for the hundredth time. If I would've known the outcome of the trip, I wouldn't have taken the time from you guys to be with her. I am deeply remorseful. I write to you for the last time, to tell you, that she was always looking out for you guys, even when you weren't watching. To tell you that I am letting go of moving on for the better. To tell you that Marlie's artwork and footprints that have been left behind done justice and helped many people in the world.

Take these portraits she had specifically saved for you guys as an apology for my disappearing. I am sure you will be proud of the outcomes.

I know I am.

Sincerely,

Christian Armstrong.