Pests

Part 4 of Kingdom

        I decide I should spray around Kaylee's window, but do a half assed job. That way, they can smell that I've been working so they wouldn't question it. The reason they called me here was for termites, found in wooden basements or attics. Normally, those are my last stops before I trace the exterior.

        I walked down to the basement, imaging my next kill. With termites, I have to imagine their death. As soon as I head down to the damp, unfinished basement, I can see the bites on the studs that hold the insulation. The basement was empty aside from one uncovered mattress on the floor. Weird. Did I just enter a sex dungeon? There is no frame, no blankets, and no pillows. There was only one mattress with some huge tears and stains. Why would anyone have that? I wander over to the boxes to see what else this place was hiding. Old clothes, toys, baby stuff; pretty disappointing. There was a box up against the side of the wall next to the leaky water heater which was lopsided.

"What's in the box?" I imagined Brad Pitt screaming. Man I should watch that movie again, it's been awhile.

        Hesitating, I walked over to that box and chills ran down my spine. That wasn't a fucking box. That was a mound of termites. How do you neglect a house so much, that you don't even realize a fucking mound of termites? I've seen general laziness and in some cases hoarders, but this was a first. Unbelievable. We're in Colorado. This whole god damn state is in a drought, but your leaky water heater in the basement has enough moisture in the room for a mound to develop? As I looked closer, I realized there was a fist-sized hole between the crack in the cement panels that lead to dirt. That's an impressive amount of neglect.

        Getting closer to the floor, I saw all the workers in a row leading to the stairs, stripping them for nourishment. You can tell that they're workers because the only other ones that venture outside of the mound are the soldiers. I'm looking at a micro-scale commute. We aren't that different from these bugs. They have workers, soldiers who sacrifice everything, the queen, and the bugs trying to fuck the queen. Humanity has soldiers, workers, lovers and leaders too; we just think we are less vulgar than insects.

        Like our frontline equipped with semi-automatics, the soldiers on this concrete slab next to me have huge red pincers for attacking. Normally, they are incognito, and wouldn't appear in the middle of the day in a conspicuous place waiting to attack. Their inflamed and engorged head is an easy tell. They look like an aggravated retro video game boss after you attack them. Weirdly, these warriors can't even feed themselves. Workers have to break down the food for them. That's how strong their sense of community is. In addition to giving a homeless person your food, you'd be cutting it up into little tiny squares while counting the number of times they chew each morsel to make sure they don't choke. What a bizarre world that would be.

What was I doing? Oh, right.

        I took out some boric acid from my utility belt, and doused the mound. I walked back upstairs, looked in the drawer underneath the liquor cabinet and found a matchbook. I went back downstairs and the mound had sprawled out horizontally on the floor. This was reminiscent of that devastating crane shot in Gone with the Wind, with all of the dead and wounded soldiers. I put on my gloves and walked up to the collapsed mound. I made sure to spray directly in the center of it. Most were already dead, but to be sure, I took a match in my left hand lit it and threw it in. I sprayed one last time to catch the flame, then I watched the fuckers burn. This was a very gratifying kill; a quick and heartless mass genocide. I imagined thousands of barely audible screams. I smiled with relief and pride. Flames can be very soothing and cleansing.

        I was proud of this beautiful purging of innocent termites. Mission accomplished. Uncle Steve would kill me if he knew how much time I wasted with this massive overkill. I swept up the mess and thought about throwing it away. I looked down at the ash and realized they wouldn't notice if I cleaned it or not. They didn't notice the mound after all. I figured; eh, why bother?