RED | h.p

fifty-six

At the moment I didn't even think about how awkward it would be once my episode ended. I just badly needed to be comforted and he was there, so now I'm standing in front of him, scratching my neck awkwardly.

"Thank you." 

My voice is weak, probably because I screamed so loud earlier. I might have to visit the infirmary for this. I don't really feel like going back to the dorm right away so I'll take a long nap in the infirmary, skip dinner and sneak to the dorm to sleep.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

Do I? It sounds stupid and we're not close any more. Do I wanna tell Draco how I had a panic attack because the whole talk with Snape threw me off so bad I felt so uncomfortable and weird all over? It felt as if bugs were crawling all over me.

No I don't. This is the first time we'll be talking after I found out I broke his heart when I'm supposed to be his best friend. But still, heartbreak cannot justify him using that word against me. Such a hateful and nasty word, used to label me as if I had any control of the way I was born.

"No, I don't."

I replied, voicing my thoughts. Well, 5% of it and looked at him. I can clearly see his even paler complexion, faint bags under his eyes as a sign of loss of sleep and I can see his cheeks hallowed. Has he not been taking care of himself?

Rose seemed fine earlier and she seems really cheery these days so I assumed everything was going well with her and Draco but seeing him now, should I assume Rose is just acting?

"Can I anything for you?" 

He sounded really hesitant, as if he regretted it the moment after he asked so I just shook my head and began turning away. This is so weird, I never thought we'd be in this position right now. 

All I wanted was a friend in someone who was really interesting and unpredictable because I liked the adventure and thrill of it all. I didn't expect him to fall for me and be so broken he ruin our precious friendship.

Maybe in another life, we can become friends without all the complications. Without my blood serving as a tool for you to hurt us both. We'd be doing home works together, meeting each other's significant others and making friends with them, we'd graduate school together, attend each other's weddings and joke abut arranging our children to marry.

Or if we're lucky, after all this has ended and the chaos has died down, we can start again and build a better friendship.

"I'll get going, thank you." 

Then I walked away without sparing him another glance. 

Whatever it is you're going through right now, I hope you don't get hurt. I would hate to see you stand in the enemy's ranks when the war begins but it would make up for everything if you end it standing beside me.

***

I should've known Harry would find a way to corner me like this. I skipped dinner and was on my way to sneak into the dorm and sleep the troubles away and pretend everything is fine. I know it's all gonna come crashing back tomorrow but at least for now, I hoped to pretend I'm fine.

But instead I'm here in the empty common room with a worried Harry holding my by the wrist so I can't run away and lock him out the girl's dorm until I'm ready to talk. I can't really blame him, if it was him skipping dinner and sneaking around, I'd worry too.

"Hermione told me about the plan to ask Snape. How did it go?"

I let out a deep sigh. "He touched me."

"HE DID WHAT?" 

I jumped at the sound of him raising his voice and immediately read his mind from the anger and shock on his place. 

"God no! Not like that! Ew!" I shook my head and willed the scarring mental images to leave my head and dragged him over to the couch to sit down, his hand still on my wrist.

"Tell me what happened."

So I did, explaining to him just how deep Snape's favour seems to run because he just showed me affection. I'll just call it that instead of running around the castle saying Snape touched me and give people the wrong idea.

Merlin, I would hate to plant that idea on people's minds.

But of course, I left out the part of me having a breakdown and being comforted by Draco just in case. I'll tell him eventually but not now, he's been talking none sense wanting to break up for some reasons and I'm not gonna give him more opportunities to do that.

"But nevermind, I have this question I've been meaning to ask you."

He nodded, urging to me proceed and ask him. I was gonna ask him this because I've spent quite a long time dozing off and wondering what he would answer but since we're alone here anyways and already talking.

"What do you think of Ginny?"

"You've been mentioning her a lot to me recently. Is there something I need to know?"

This tosser. "Just answer the question, Potter."

"Oh wow, last names. Uhm, she's fine, I guess? He's my best friend's sister so I can't really talk bad about her but I haven't talked to her enough to form a solid opinion. Why?"

"She likes you and I'm worried."

His jaw dropped. Was he really that dense? She literally ran through a fire to run after him and I did the same, and I'm his girlfriend! Hello?!

"She- what?!"

"See? How kind of me to tell you someone likes you instead of not saying anything until he just burst out and call me a bad word and our friendship turns to dust, go me!"

"The thing with Malfoy is different. How did he even come up?"

"Of course it's different because I told you right away."

"No, you can't do this to me." Harry's jaw clenched and the piercing gaze he gave me through his glasses made me freeze in my seat. What is with the sudden change of atmosphere? "I can't possibly tell the girl I love that her best friend was pining after her. Not when I saw how close you two were, I couldn't risk you getting whisked away."

"You talk as if you didn't just bring up breaking off our relationship a few weeks ago." I smirked seeing the guilt return to his face, he's so easy to read and manipulate. I pray he changes that if he's gonna let that saviour complex take over him.

"I promised never to do that again. I've decided it's better to always have you close to me so I can protect you instead of driving you away and having no idea how you're doing."

I smiled, placing a hand on his cheek and lightly caressing his face. "There's my smart boy."

"It feels weird when you treat me like this cause it feels like you're acting like my mum." 

Oh, yikes, I can see that. And with me looking like his mom and sharing the name- but it's also fun to tease him and make him uncomfortable from time to time so why not play the mom card? It's weird but I can live with this shame.

"Then let's just rest. I've had a weird day and I badly wanna sleep and forget that ever happened."

I can tell Harry's grown even more curious about Snape's reltionships with his mum afer I told him the events of today. He better tell me whatever information he digs up because I badly wanna know.

"I bet," Harry nodded. "By the way, Hermione told me I should hide the book somewhere it'll be impossible to find. We didn't learn anything from Snape anyway. Got any ideas?"

I thought about it for a moment. "I might have an idea."

-

played genshin because my s/o was really into the game and holy crap i'm lowkey addicted and invested. so far I am just simping for noelle non-stop and no one else matters tbh idc 

stay safe yall!