The New Girl

Chapter 15: Accepting Myself

Telling my Mom about it one on one was more embarrassing than the group, but also really scary. I never told my Mom about my sexuality up front. I hinted at it before, but I was too scared about her reaction with the real answer, but I've been hiding it for long enough, and if I'm going to be dating Amity, it would be better for me to tell her than to have her find out.

I was...so scared about her thoughts of me afterwards, that I started to cry. Time to time I already questioned why she could love such a mess like me, but my mind took no issue with letting me feel extremely paranoid about her thoughts of me being bi. What if she's homophobic? What if she doesn't accept it? What if she forces me to break up with her and to never have her over again? Those thoughts felt like reality, and it completely broke me in that moment.

I managed to get the words out, and told her that I was dating Amity. I also told her how sorry I was, and that she must think of me as some weirdo now, or a mistake . Those fears thankfully went away when she pulled me into a hug and told me that it was okay. She accepted who I was, and was really proud about getting the courage to tell her about it. It was such a shot in the dark to me that I was caught off guard, and couldn't help but cry some more in her arms.

It's been two weeks since opening up to her, and she does that motherly thing whenever I mention Amity.

Oooo are you two finally going on a date? What are your plans hmm? You two are just sooo cute together!

It's nice to hear that, but also embarrassing, and it always leaves me feeling flustered when I finally see Amity. Amity finds it really funny though, and kinda encourages my mother to do it more. I can tell she does.

Other than that, we just been together a lot, either at my house, or out somewhere in the neighborhood. I haven't been to her house yet, but that's for obvious reasons.

We're either reading Azura, or just going out somewhere to chill and have fun. I haven't broken the promise of helping her ride my board. I've been training her everytime we go out and she has actually gotten way better than her first time on it. She's able to fully push and balance on the board at regular speed. She can't go on any type of hills yet, so any decline she goes on, she abandons the board, but she will get the hang of it one day.

As a "precaution", she likes to take my beanie and wear it.

It's for protection of my fragile head.

I find BS on that, but I am not complaining at all. She looks absolutely adorable with the beanie on. I'm thinking of giving her my beanie for our one month anniversary, and I'll get a new one myself. I'm sure she will love it.

Now with that talked about, I guess I should mention how I've been doing personally.

My anxiety is still there. I don't believe it'll ever fully go away, as shown with opening up to Mom, but it has become way more tolerable than how it was before.

I still have random anxious thoughts every now and then. They're the typical do they even care about me? thoughts, but I know they really do, so they go away rather quickly.

School has been much better too. With Boscha finally off my back and Amity with me, along with the gang supporting me, I feel better than I have ever felt in my entire life.

I always felt like I was a burden to everybody that interacted with me. My Mom, my friends, even strangers and teachers I felt like had a deep hatred for me. I thought they wanted me to just disappear, and there were times where I felt that was the only way forwards.

But thanks to Hexside, all of those beliefs finally left me. The teachers are great (for the most part anyways), the kids, even the people I don't know are still really chill, and don't care about my appearance or personality, and the ones I do know support me more than anything else in the world. I couldn't have asked for more if I wanted too.

Hell, even the neighborhood is really good. Not only is Amity nearby to be with, but the gang can come and vibe for the most part. Even without them, the residences nearby are really sweet and nice. I've been more open to talk to them and they all have amazing personalities.

I might've even landed a job at some old antic store nearby. It's run by this old lady named Eda. I talked to her as I was exploring and she, like everyone else, has a really interesting personality, and she's really funny. I offered to help out if she wanted and she said she would give me a call if she needs it.

I hope she does call soon.

Anyways, I believe that's all I can really say that has been new recently. It has been a long journey for me to come to this position now, but I'm genuinely happy I took in all the shit, because if I didn't, I wouldn't be here now. I have the most amazing girlfriend I could ask for, the best friends anyone could want and people who care about me. Even if it took some time to take that in, I see it now, and I really appreciate it.

Until the next time I update you all, I'll be here, living the best life I can. I will see you soon, enjoy yourselves out there and don't forget to love yourself. It's the best thing you can do, and it's been helping me.

Take care guys! Peace out! 

- Luz Noceda
 

The End

Author's Note: Hey everybody, CircularCreations here and I bring you guys the end of The New Girl, at least for now

I have plans to do more of this story in the future, but for right now, the story is over. Luz's story of her anxiety and her goal to fit in has finally come to an end.

Now it is time I start to write my next story: "Hidden", which is my Missing sequel.

I will inform you guys news regarding Hidden on my instagram: _circularcreations_

So if you want to stay updated with that, be sure to check periodically and follow my account.

Anyways, thank you all so much for enjoying this story! Your support means a lot to me, and I appreciate all those comments and love! From the bottom of my heart.

Alright, I'll see you guys next time, when I bring you all the first chapter of Hidden. Peace out!

-CircularCreations