The New Girl

Chapter 13: Fixing Things Up

The rest of the day was thankfully fine for the most part. I mean I still wasn't great, but no other surprises jumped up on me.

History class really did help me a little. Ms. Cawthorne was so caring for me during it. Well, she wasn't like, openly caring. It was still class, but she took in consideration with the fact that I most likely didn't wish to speak. She gave me a pass on participation and just let me listen to what she was saying. She would give me little smiles every now and then that made my spirit feel a little better.

By the end of that class, she pulled me aside and gave me a lollipop. She said it wasn't much, but she hoped it would at least do something. It did, as I walked out of that class with a smile.

The rest of the day was just a blur honestly. Just thinking about being home and alone, to rest with my thoughts actually caused the day to go by so much faster. I guess it's because none of the teachers randomly called on me to answer some questions.

Not surprisingly, I didn't see Boscha or Amity anywhere for the rest of the days. They were most likely in I.S.S or something. Passing by their lockers, I couldn't help but think about them.

I also finally opened up a little bit to the group. I figured they were concerned enough, and I wasn't too emotionally broken at this point. I didn't tell them everything, but I told them enough where they understood that today was just not a good day. I apologized for the distance I was giving them, but they said it was okay, and that I really needed it.

I also told Mom what happened when I finally saw her at the end of the day. She saw how wrecked and bleak I looked, and before she could ask, I just spilled all the information on her. I wasn't as broken as I opened up to her last time, so it was much easier to tell her. She gave me a hug and assured me that it was going to be alright. I really hope that's true.

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That other side of my mind is still here. I felt it as I was resting on my bed as I got home. It kept reminding me of how horrible I am, what I did and what kind of friend I am to do that etc etc.

It was more….muffled this time around however. With being in the office with the Principal and History class, I was able to calm myself enough to not feel like I was gonna break down any second. That didn't mean I was over it.

I still feel so fucking bad. I don't think I will be able to get over it, even if Amity and I make up and get close again. I ultimately made her day much more shitty. I didn't want to at all, that was the last thing I expected….but I was too scared about being backstabbed again. I didn't want to give her my trust and be immediately ostracized like before. It would've killed me right then and there.

Her crying is still fresh on my mind. Right before I slammed that Club door shut, I heard her cry my name out. I didn't pay too much attention to it, as I was already at my breaking point, but my mind still got it. She yelled out to me, before I could hear her own mental breakdown start in that room.

...that's horrible isn't it? I just….I don't even know how I had it in me to ditch her like that. I'd like to say it was out of fear, and I'm most likely right about that, but I can't help but think in any other situation, I'd probably would've stayed.

I shook my head, and got rid of the thoughts. I really didn't want to have yet another breakdown. My eyes actually hurt from all the crying. I started thinking about what Principal Bump said to me earlier.