Remorse- Yaman realises all his sins.

Chapter 6

"I have tried to let you go and I cannot. I cannot stop thinking of you. I cannot stop dreaming about you."

-Erin Morgenstern, The Night Circus

Yaman came out of Seher's apartment and sighed. He could not imagine a life without her anymore. It was a strange twist of fate that for a man who deplored women and had held them in disdain all his life, he was now hopelessly in love with a woman who was a victim of this very own hatred of his.

This was probably how God was trying to teach him a lesson that not every woman was like his mother. In fact, for the first time, he earnestly considered that maybe his mother was an aberration and not a norm. Mothers did not leave their children behind to fend for themselves; rather they loved them with their heart and soul, like Seher loved Yusuf.

He took out his phone and searched the nearest hotels in a ten minute radius and then zeroed in on one which was just two blocks away.

He reached the hotel, took a quick shower and changed his clothes. Later, he called his contact and also Nedim to check if there was any update or progress on the evidence gathered regarding the file. They told him that the results would be available by tomorrow. Yaman could not control his unease and he had an intuition that once the reports were out, he would be proved gravely wrong and would be going down on his knees to beg Seher to forgive him.

Next he called Cenger to check on Yusuf. He was told that Yusuf was doing well and was presently playing with Ziya but kept asking about his Teyze and Amca. Yaman cursed himself yet again for hurting Yusuf's teyze so much that she had to part from a piece of her soul in the form of Yusuf.

He checked his watch and then redialed Nedim to finish some office work. He didn't have the least inclination or intentness but it was the only way to divert his mind and not think about Seher and how he had driven her to flee from her own home, just to escape him.

It was already past midnight when Yaman came back outside Seher's house.He kept peeking at Seher's window like a love lorn teenager, just to get a glimpse of her.But he realised that it wouldn't happen since the lights of the house were off which implied that she had already gone to sleep.

Sleep was a million miles away from him these days. Guilt and love made a lethal mix and it ensured that he didn't get an iota of rest. He was spending far too much time thinking about his adorable wife and how having her in his arms would feel like. He would also daydream of Seher feeling happy and safe with his closeness and not intimidated or petrified of him.

All of a sudden, he thought he heard a muffled sob. It instantly startled him and he tried to locate the source of the sound. He heard another sob and instinctively knew it came from Seher's bedroom. He followed the direction of the sound and reached under her bedroom window.He tried knocking on the bedroom window from outside but of no avail.

He was really anxious by now and knocked on the main door too and called out her name many times. When there was no response, he decided to break in to the house.

He went around and tried opening the bedroom windows but they seem to be locked. This would not work, he thought. He didn't want to break her bedroom windows and land inside her intimate sanctuary, to freak her out. So, he looked around and tried other windows. He then reached the kitchen window and luckily it was unlatched from the inside. He pushed it with all his might and it gave away. He then jumped and tried to hold the sill on the other side to get a grip. In the second attempt he made it to the kitchen platform and landed on the inside.

He quickly ran indoors, in the direction of her voice and found her bedroom. It was pitch dark so he switched on his phone light. Yaman knew Seher had an acute fear of darkness. He called her name but she seemed to be reliving a terrible nightmare. He quickly reached to her bedside in two long strides and saw her frantically crying in her sleep and repeating, " Please tell me what have I done ? Why are your hurting me, Yaman? I trusted you with my everything. Don't separate me from my Yusuf. " Saying this she kept on sobbing.

Yaman's heart broke, seeing her like this. He sat beside her and tentatively put a hand on her shoulders to calm her down. When there was no response, he held both her tiny hands in his own and tried to pacify her. He said ," Hush.It's okay, Seher. It's okay. Please calm down. I am here. Nothing will happen to you. Nothing will hurt you anymore."

Seher seemed to hear his voice but didn't register his physical presence. In her troubled sleep, she tried to find the source of this strength and got up and and hugged him tightly and kept on weeping.

She said again in her nightmares, "Please don't hurt me. Please! Baba, Abla, I am hurting. Please help me." She was bawling like a child and Yaman could barely control himself from crying. He scooped her up in his arms and positioned her in his lap like a baby. Holding her in his arms, he kept on whispering in her ears, " I am here sweetheart. I am here. I will not hurt you anymore. Please don't cry. Please. Nothing will happen to you. I wouldn't let anything happen."

Seher clutched the front of his shirt in her delirious state and kept on sobbing. He kissed her temples and her forehead and kept on rocking her in his arms like a child. He wiped the tears from her face and swiped her hair away from her forehead.

Little by little her sobs subsided and she gradually seemed to come back to her senses. She opened her eyes as if awake from a deep slumber. It took her some time to comprehend her surroundings and when she realised she was sitting in Yaman's lap and he was holding her in his arms , she was embarrassed, confused and shaken.

To be continued.