Magic of Etheria

Chapter 25 | Razzle Dazzle

Catra called Scorpia and Perfuma a couple of days ago and they suggested that I try writing down my thoughts. So here I am, writing in a book.

It's been six days since we reactivated the Forge in Underdryl, and the nightmares still haven't gone away. I still see him. Every night. I feel like I'm going insane. I hate to see Catra so worried about me. I've been completely useless ever since we got back to Bright Moon, but I'm working on it.

I suppose I should catch you up, even though you're just a book.

Catra told me where Melog said they had been. Apparently on the night of the Moon Market they had sensed something watching us. It got away, but they tracked it for days. Eventually, Melog caught up to it. When Melog pounced the First Ones crystal fell from it as it escaped. That's when they picked it up and found us in Dryl.
Then I had this... urge to touch it - to hold it.
All I remember is feeling a pain in my arm and an intense headache.

After I blacked out, Catra panicked and called Glimmer. Glimmer and Bow came and helped her watch over me for... four hours. I think. Sometime after I woke up, Glimmer teleported us back. I've not been allowed to help out. I've barely slept. Catra has been helping Glimmer a lot. It's nice to see them getting along, she really feels like part of the group. Even though I'm not really a part of it right now.

She tells me about her day when she comes back to our room. She asks me if I'm okay. I say no. I've never felt like this before. I don't know what to do.

I need to take control of my fears, but I don't know how...

Apparently, Glimmer was not happy that we didn't tell her about the Dwells and the Forge and the entire underground city before we went and activated it. Thinking back, we definitely should of. But Glimmer was able to go as Queen and meet the Elder and discuss with him terms of an alliance. Micah went too, he had heard stories of Underdryl as a child. Catra and I stayed here.

I told her about the Horde ships disappearing. She was mad at first because I had kept it from her. But now she's keeping in touch with Hordak, staying updated on my behalf. I feel awful. Catra's doing so much for me, but she has her own problems too.

I feel so useless. Like a dead weight.

I've not been able to transform either. She-Ra feels out of reach. A result of my head being a mess. I keep feeling short of breath too, hands shaking, head dizzy. Apparently, it's called a panic attack. Admittedly, they have been rare, but they keep happening. As long as I don't let my thoughts spiral, I can maintain some level of control over it.

I've been left alone to think a lot these past few days. I sat in front of the mirror yesterday, when everyone left me alone, and just looked at myself. I got so many scars before I figured out how to heal. The biggest ones being those on my back from Catra. They represent a time in my past where I was willing to do anything, even lay down my life to stop the Horde. I charged into everything headfirst, dragging Bow and Glimmer straight into danger time and time again.

Hey, Book, did you know I almost died?

I remember how it felt. It was peaceful. I was ready. One last sacrifice to save everyone. Then Catra broke through to me. She told me she loved me and suddenly I wanted to live. I didn't want to go, I wasn't ready. Hearing her say those words gave me new meaning. A new purpose. A new reason to live.

I probably shouldn't write this; in case she reads it.

But I need to say it somewhere.

All I want to do is marry her. I want to hear her say yes. I want to embrace her knowing that we'll spend the rest of forever together.

But do I have the right, if there actually is danger?
I feel like I need some advice - some guidance on what to do.