Am I a hypocrite? Yes. Yes I suppose you could say that.
Because contrary to the facade I've kept up the past several weeks that I've been fairly immune to the Yule Ball buzz well I must admit, I'm really, really, really excited for the night ahead.
While it is most certainly not what I'd envisioned for myself, and actually until tonight I had considered bailing altogether, it's really hard to feel upset when you're in a sparkly gown. Yes, fine, when I'd dreamt of this night I did see myself on Harry's arm and when I think of Cho in my place it makes me feel an abundance of emotions, not one of them good. Though I have to keep reminding myself that in some ways, I put this on myself. After all I'm the one who made the call to put our relationship on pause. At the time, for a split second I thought I was making the thoughtful, mature, correct decision.
Now, maybe I'm a little weary of said decision.
I sigh frustratedly and flop down onto my bed.
Fantastic work, y/n. You've done it again.
The reoccurring problem I've been having quite often lately is the dreadful act of overthinking. I fixate on the 'what if's' and replay events over and over in my mind trying to come up with an alternate ending other than the one that actually happened. I've been doing it lots lately in almost every aspect of my life. For example, even though Harry and I have only been broken up, on good terms, for only a week and despite every encounter since being somewhat normal, I just can't help but wonder where it went wrong, what could've prevented it from getting to this point, why I felt so strongly the need to end what we had.
Well no I know that, it was his impulsive asking a girl who fancies him to the dance instead of me. Had he not done so all of this surely could've been avoided.
But everybody makes mistakes and relationships are hard we're only fourteen theres bound to be mess-ups.
But maybe that's just it, maybe we're not ready for such a relationship just quite yet. . . Even though we are kind of perfect together.
