Do We Have A Future?

5. August

She finally stopped crying at the memory of the incident and at any infants she'd come in contact with throughout her daily life. It had taken nearly a year for Rebecca Lao to get to this point.

But how long are you really meant to grieve for the child you never had?

As her boyfriend Ethan was wary of her every single day, just waiting for the moment that her hard coated exterior crumbled right down in front of him. Some days he noticed how her tear ducts began to swell and her back stiffened whenever they were faced with an unhappy diagnosis.

As her boss, Ethan eventually let her work on a preeclampsia case with baited breath, watching her like a hawk every step of the way. Every time she'd visit the patient's room he wouldn't be more than five steps behind. Whenever she'd assess the lab results, he'd be right there with her ready to break her fall. And when she left the mother's side Ethan kept in time with Becca, his hand caressing the small of her back as they moved through the motions and onto another case.

She handed the whole thing better than he could have ever anticipated. Becca didn't need him at all, not anymore - but she's damn thankful for the support, however overbearing. In the end, the mother and premature daughter lived happily ever after. Even with all of her self-mending practices, the sight of the infant still stung deep down in Becca's core. Ethan didn't notice as he held her hand outside the NICU, her curated mask keeping her emotions at bay. Although she fortified the walls around her heart strong enough to carry out her daily life, still not a day goes by that Becca doesn't think about what could have been.

It'd be different if we weren't together and planning a future. If we broke up maybe it'd hurt less?

Planning a forever seemed futile when they'd thrown a family away not so long ago. Coming from a broken home, the little doe eyed and innocent girl in the back of Becca's mind desperately wanted a functional, loving family. A family that put their collective happiness first and nobody ran away. The silver lining to the termination meant they had the option to try again. Properly, when time aligned. When would that be? Would it ever happen? We haven't had sex since...

Months ago, Ethan finally stopped asking her if she was okay and if she wanted to speak to someone about the experience. As always Becca dutifully declined - the fantasy world she built in her head was all the solace and consoling she needed.

When the two of them are cuddled on the couch watching a film the phantom daughter of her mind's eye would emerge. Becca would welcome her beloved mirage by nestling it right across her unchanged chest, coddled safely between her arms and protected from the world around them.

In the silent and lazy Sunday mornings her phantom would be cuddled close to her heart as Ethan sleepily spooned the love of his life, blissfully unaware of the dream playing out before him on her side of the bed. Happily, Becca would be caressing the thick and curly hair that mirrored her own off of her daughter's rounded face and giving soothing rubs along her back. Letting herself trail little bits of love over the soft and unweathered skin of her child. A hollow smile forms as the illusion plays out in front of her under the blanket of dusk. But once the strong daylight of reality peered in through their large windows, the tableau vanished. These little moments kept Becca grounded in the present. She needed a happily ever ending.

As the weeks passed by and the delusion began to solidify into a distant memory, Becca finally had some gusto in her. She didn't need to hide anymore. Ethan and her were able to joke and chide and taunt each other in the best of ways - just like old times. They were finally opening back up to one another. They let themselves be unashamedly intimate once again.

The hurricane between them had seemingly passed, the damage was done and swept away at a political pace. There were still some cracks in the roads, but they'd weather them together.