Do We Have A Future?

4. April

They seemingly had put this event behind them. The couple moved through the motions of daily life as shadows of who they used to be. They kept a routine and followed it to a T - Ethan profoundly thankful for the false sense of normalcy for which it gave. He could rest easier knowing they were almost in sync again. But unbeknownst to him, Rebecca thought about their unborn child and the life they could have had every single day.

Becca's pride still kept her from seeking help. She didn't want to bother Ethan anymore with the what-ifs and could-have-beens. She believed he truly had moved on and forgotten - he didn't seem weighed down by their decision anymore, his eyes weren't as heavy as hers anymore.

She had gotten very good at pretending she wasn't being swallowed alive. Every morning she dressed herself in her best clothes, would put her makeup on carefully over her weaknesses, and paint a smile on her face all the while thinking of the little imaginary bundle sleeping in their pristine second bedroom. In her mind she and Ethan turned the spare bedroom into a pink and white haven of a nursery after days of arguing over textures and color schemes wanting everything to be perfect for her . The thought of her baby's peaceful, scrunchy face gave Becca the courage to continue on.

At work Becca tried very hard to avoid the overgrown concern of her friends and the other members of the diagnostics team but there was no escape. She had been back at work for nearly four months and they've all seen her destructive and desolate actions - from not sleeping to overworking and constant avoidance of any sort of personal actions. One day at lunch Sienna and Kyra tried to get her to open up but Becca put on her curated mask and distanced herself further.

"Hey," Sienna said with all the courage she could muster. "How's life at Ramsey's?" she asked as she sat down across from her best friend whom she spotted alone at a corner table and staring at the wall.

Becca's eyes were void of emotion, just hollow spheres staring back at two of her dearest allies. Her chicken and avocado salad remained closed and untouched with not even a fork in sight. Between Sienna's uncertainty and Becca's disinterest the air around them was cumbrous.

"Are you gettin' it all the time?" Kyra tried to lighten the mood with an eyebrow wiggle as she took her seat next to Sienna.

Becca took a second to contort her features before answering, needing to muster up enough strength so her voice didn't sound as weak as the two pairs of concerned chocolate eyes boring down on her made her feel.

"It's good," she forced through a weak smile hoping her friends bought it for joy. "Weird...but also in a good way?"

It was weird in the sense that Becca still knew Ethan didn't believe in marriage or children, and yet he made the leap. He pushed himself and solidified her as his partner - his life partner with a set of keys, name on the bills and all. On paper as far as litigation was concerned Ethan and Rebecca were on their way to a civil partnership. Although she doubted they would make it that far. It's only been a few months. We could still break up...

On edge, Sienna took a big gulp of air in hope that she worded her next question just right, "Are you happy?"

Her eyes searched her broken friend's features for any indication of the truth.

"Yes," Becca replied meekly.

"I'm worried about you," Sienna whispered back.

Kyra broke the trance between the two hurting girls and added just as softly, "We're all worried about you."

Becca shifted her weight towards Kyra.

"I'm fine," with great effort she etched a small convincing smile into her features.