Little Game Of Ours [BBC Sherlock Fanfiction]

Chapter 17: " Terribly Guilty"

You had told Sherlock everything.

Sherlock had said he understood it and accepted what you had done, since you weren't yourself but you knew Sherlock, he was hurt, and now you knew he had problems with trusting you.

He denied it, but both of you knew he was lying.

You had been talking with a woman that 'talked with people with problems' the whoke day, each day in a month.

You felt terribly guilty for it.

You had tried to avoid Sherlock too, of some reason.

You wouldn't like to be in the company of a not trustable person, that was the reason.

You hadn't talked with anyone you knew either.

You wanted to say sorry, but you couldn't.

You just couldn't .

When you went to bed after the 'chats' you stayed awake until sunrise, you couldn't sleep, couldn't focus, your guilty feeling was biting and chewing you apart inside, or that was what it felt like.

As the days passed in the month, it just grew and grew.

When the month was soon at end, three weeks until, you didn't eat, sleep, drink, train .....nothing.

You had locked the door to your bedroom, your tiny but big bedroom.

You had been in there two weeks already.

You hadn't noticed , you had just stared at the ceiling for two weeks.

You hadn't felt any hunger or thirst or sleep need.

Nothing.

You felt just, horrible.

Moriarty was right, you hadn't disliked it.

Why in the hell didn't you?

Was it because of the memory loss?

Maybe.

Was it because of your sexuality?

Maybe.

You heard footsteps passing your door, many times.

Maybe it was mrs.Hudson?

Or John?

You didn't know.

You didn't want to know.

You didn't want to talk, think or breathe at the moment.

You had to breathe of course.

But it was harder then normal.

It was like a rope was tied around your throat.

You felt that your skin was hot like an oven, felt like after a trip in a tropical jungle inside a building, close and sticky.

Your eyes were wet of tears.

Yes you had been crying.

It was so horrible.

You heard scratching on your door, Girl.

You groaned as you wheezed, " go" .

You heard whining as the scratching stopped.

You slowly sat up, as you collapsed on the floor.

"nnngggh!" you groaned as you got up.

You sat on the end for a minute.

Then you heard someone coming from the street.

You heard, John, Lestrade and Mycroft.

You sighed.

You didn't want to talk, and something told you they were going to.

....

You jumped out from the window.

You fell a bit, before you grabbed a fire ladder.

You climbed down, as you went down the smug.

Your head hurted, legs, arms, body, chest, heart.

Everything hurted.

You heard John squeak.

They had broke into your room.

John had just spotted you right before you disappeared out of the smug.

You went straight to the police station, as you committed your crimes when you had memory loss.

The police didn't believe you, they were friends with Lestrade.

You threw the jewels that had been with the crown right in their face.

That was proof enough.

.....

You sat in a cell, on a chair.

You just sat there.

Then you heard keys in the lock.

You heard the door opening.

You didn't look in the direction.

" What do you do in here?"

It was Mary, Johns wife.

You didn't respond.

You heard that she approached you and sat down beside you.

" They told me what happened, y/n"

You sighed.

" Sherlock told me how you have been the past month,,."

You didn't look at her.

" Dear, you are thinking of it too much, you weren't yourself that time, It wasn't your fault"

Not working, Mary'.

Mary sighed.

" We know what happened with you when you had memory loss"

" How?" you asked directly.

" Doctors"

You sighed heavily.

" It just means that you have strong feelings y/n......"

....

Mary left you a hour later.

.....

You though of it.

It was your weakness!

You actually had one!

It was it!

You smiled a bit happy, before it disappeared.

Why did you have to have a weakness?

If Moriarty figures it out,

everything will go to hell.

Moriarty...

Why were you thinking about him?

Hmm...

Was he a weakness too?

Maybe he was.

At the field you hadn't killed him, he hadn't killed you.

He hadn't though about killing you either, neither had you.

.......

You were going to earn Sherlock's trust back, whatever it took.

You cared about him.

You were going to earn it back, you were going to get back as you were, as old y/n ....or new y/n ....

One he could trust, and not think that had slept with Moriarty or something in that direction.

WHY WERE YOU THINKING ABOUT Him?!

If you mentioned Moriarty everything would just end up as hell!!

Moriarty, that sneaky, but also smart lizard.

Nope, Sherlock first.