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Zaira, like everyone, also had a chapter she didn't read out loud.
"Funny, isn't it, the way memory works?" She whispered to her best friend, her cat — Purple. "The things you can't quite remember, and the things you'd never forget — floating inside the temporary space we're given to think, affecting every decision we have to make." She sighed.
Just last week, when she applied to a prestigious university, she hadn't expected a reply inviting her to come and study. Now, holding her acceptance letter in one hand and the cat in another, she hid herself in the treehouse that was too small for her to stand in. She was happy, of course she was happy — but she was already homesick.
The daunting days ahead were unclear, unlike the summer holidays she'd just spent. She would be going to live on a campus, amongst people she'd never met. She'd do many things she hadn't yet witnessed, like getting her own grocery, cooking her own food and paying her own bills. Purple purred from her lap, reminding her just how much the cat despised heights. Zaira ignored the cat's pleas and continued her daydream that sounded like a nightmare.
But that was nothing — living far away from the city, from her family was okay. But far from him? For four years? Her second cousin, Zahir, would probably forget her, if he'd ever even noticed her existence, that is. She didn't know when it started — but one day out of the blue, she noticed things she never paid attention to before — the shades of her hijab, the bracelet that had found its home on her wrist, the calming feeling when Zahir was around.
This was her little secret, a chapter she never told anyone. She felt like if she did, it would somehow become more real. These feelings that never escaped the confines of her heart would find their way out of her through her actions, and she didn't want that to happen. Nothing has happened yet anyway, he didn't look her way at all — which was a good thing. Zaira liked religious guys. They hadn't even spoken, she'd just smiled at a baby he was carrying the other day. 𝘖𝘩 𝘎𝘰𝘥, 𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘰𝘰.
She couldn't tell anyone she liked Zahir, That would mean accepting it. Then it would mean marrying him if he agreed. And she wasn't sure she wanted that, not yet. What if he wasn't the one?
Forgetting her feelings wasn't as easy as it sounded, but the letter in her hands made it sound gloriously possible. Zaira decided she'd probably go, what was meant to happen would. She wouldn't get another chance like the one this university was offering her.
She'd learn to live with the memories and the homesickness for a while, until things even out.
What was it that her uncle told her? "When you want to choose between the heart and mind in terms of life — go with the mind. It will be hard for you, but it's like your love for oceans that is greater than the fear of drowning. You'll end up swimming one day. And your heart will thank you for not listening to it, because what is meant to be yours will not miss you anyway. And He promises contentment and relief for the patient."
