what hurts the most (poetry)

the man i love is getting married

once again,
i have to say,
never in my life,
never once did i think,

i would fall for this crazy
motherfucker,

he trapped me,
controlled me,
used me,

what he wants
and
only

cause that's what narcissists
do

you aren't normal,
getting married at 20

you claim to not give a fuck about
anything

even your own life,

fuck,
you don't even have your life together yet,

how can you go from being
christian grey
to being
prince charles?

you haven't experienced love yet
because all you did was
fuck
sex is what you craved

you didn't want to fall in love,
you just wanted your eyes to roll back

you think you're in love

i know more about love
more than you do

like fuck,
you look dumb as fuck

for a whole damn year,
you said

"i don't want a girlfriend"
"i like my freedom"
"i don't like being with someone"

so of course,
i respected that

like,
teach what you preach
motherfucker

you know what you did,
not just to me,
but to other girls

i feel bad for them

my heart breaks,
and i feel them

it would make sense for me to get married,
cause i know what
love is

i've been in
relationships

i've had things with guys

all you did was go

bedroom
to
bedroom

i look at you as
crazy

i look at you as the
narcissist i was gonna love

everything is always about you
if it doesn't go your way,
you freak out,

you just love telling me and
other people

what do to,
you aren't shit

so don't get gassed,
thinking marriage when you don't know what love is,
or even have your life together

is right and cool?

i'm laughing at you,

i hope you figure out what
"forever"
is

cause clearly
i don't think you do

how can you go from fucking everyday
to
no sex?

haha,
the man who i was gonna love,
who made me feel good,
who was probably gonna be the next man who i claimed to love

failed.

and maybe,
that's for the good

i guess i'll never know the truth,
cause i hear different stories,

and maybe that's for the better,

let's see how this plays out,

but for now,

goodbye