what hurts the most (poetry)

he is everything in one

i was sobbing,
felt like the light was taken from me,
i felt like they've won,
and i lost because of the reaction i gave,

letting myself sink in,
they crossed the line,
pushed me into the ocean,
with no way up,
i'm sinking,

and each time someone does something that breaks my soul,
every word,
every call,
i sink deeper and deeper

my hand is out reaching for someone to grab it,
but it seems like no one is above me to help me reach the surface,

until i see a shine of light,
i knew who it was,

it was you,

you always told me,
how you're eve the sun during the day
and the moon during the night,

you promised me,
you will be with me forever,
and that you are with me everyday,
but i don't see you all the time,
i felt myself rising to the top,

your love kept me rising,
believing and having faith,

today,
when my world broke,
i felt you here with me,
cause you said,
whenever i needed you,
i can call for you,

and you came instantly,

i didn't see how like i hoped to,
but,
i felt you here with me,
taking all of my pain away,
like you did when i was a little girl,

the man i called here,
my world,
my second father,

it was you,
my amazing guardian angel,

i called him gido,
grandfather

i felt nothing but peace,
i didn't feel sad or happy,
i felt like all the pain was drained,

and the sun came shining on my face,
i knew in that moment,

my hero saved me,
my world,
my everything,
my gido

i think i found a pain reliever,
something to numb my pain,
or when things go wrong,
i go into panic,

no it's not drugs or alcohol,
it's the thought of my grandfather that keeps me going,

he's my medicine,
he numbs my pain,

he is with me everyday,
and i believe that he watches me
all the time,
everyday,

it's like he knows i need him,
he never takes his eyes off me,

he knows what happened
and
what will happen next

he knows my future,
he knows the way my life will end,

he never got to watch his little granddaughter grow up,

but he definitely got to see her strength today,

my strength

why would i let someone break my heart in a second when it took 9 months to make it?

i think,
"what would gido do?"
what would he tell me?"
that's what brings me peace,
is that i'm not alone,

i will keep going,
and whatever comes in my way,
i will be prepared and ready,
because this was nothing but buffoonery

so here's my pact i made years ago,

i promised you,
i was never gonna let anyone hurt me again,
here's me keeping that promise