G E T . A W A Y || louis partridge

chapter 16

A/N: hey hey so um i'm so sorry for not writing for a million years i been going through some stuff and motivation doesn't exist for me rn 😃. anywaysss let's get started.

⚠️TW : mention of abuse, seggs, foetus deletus, swearing, smoking, drinking, PTSD⚠️

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*time skip 1-2 weeks*

ADDY'S POV:

'what am i doing, what the fuck am i doing?' i lie in bed staring at the ceiling. i really don't know anymore. i've completely lost all motivation for absolutely everything.

i haven't washed for days, my room smells like cigarettes mixed with cheap perfume and i'm wearing the same sweats and hoodie i've worn for the past three days.

my hair is a mess, i don't even know where the hair tie is within the mess. i haven't done school work for i don't know how long, but hopefully things will get better soon. the school trip to Portugal is coming up soon so hopefully that will make things a bit better.

another twenty minutes or so had gone by of me just lying in bad when i decided, 'you know what. fuck this, i'm going to get up, shower, put on some bad bitch clothes , do my hair and makeup and finally act like the bad bitch i am.

i gathered all of my toiletries and headed to the shower. i didn't care if it was cringe, but i searched spotify for 'baddie' playlists and when i had found one i liked i hopped in the shower.

i got out after 30 minutes of pampering, and self care that was wayyy overdue. i looked myself in the mirror and forced a smile, i could do this.

i got dressed and looked myself in the mirror, examining my body. to my surprise, i hadn't found something to pick at, to criticise however, no doubt someone else would. despite that though, i felt confident for the first in what felt like forever.

'what do i do know?' i racked my brains.
i didn't want to hangout with my usual friend-group as i knew they'd just bombard me with questions, and if i told them to stop, i knew it would just make things awkward for the rest of the time we spent together. so that crossed them off the list, well till' i'm ready to talk, right now i just want to live in this short moment of bliss, of numbness as long as it lasts.

it's probably not good to ignore all that's happened, but if that's what makes me happy right now then that is what i'll do, happiness is hard to come by these days.

i sat down at my desk and pulled out my makeup. i thin layer of dust had gathered over the tops of my pallets from not having used them in over a month. i smudged black eyeshadow along my lash line and underneath creating a wing at the edge. i pulled out my pencil and filled in my tight line and waterline. the dark colour made my eyes pop. i curled my eyelashes and put on some mascara. i did a little bit of face makeup and lastly overlined my lips with a colour quite close to my natural lip colour but dark enough to create a shadow and make my lips appear plumper.

i finally put on my shoes and stood up. i looked in the mirror once again but this time admiring myself. then it hit me, i knew exactly what i wanted to do, who i wanted to see, spend time with and i was going to do exactly that.

i grabbed a coat and my bag and headed downstairs to the front door. i had my hand on the handle when i took a deep breath, shaking slightly as i did so. i needed something to take the edge of my nerves and make this slightly easier.

i ran quickly back upstairs and went back into my room. walking swiftly over to my desk i pulled the top drawer open, a clear vodka bottle lay there a third of the way full.