Atramentous: A Solangelo AU

Drastically Optimistic, Hopelessly Innocent, or Extremely Blind

They took every opportunity possible to humiliate me, especially when people were around to see it. It had mostly just been verbal in the beginning, the names they'd called me just kept getting worse and worse as the days went by, every time it seemed I was getting used to one onslaught of insults, they'd come up with an entire army of new ones. It was exhausting.

The tormenting had become physical not long after that, I wasn't sure what switch had suddenly flipped but one day they had me cornered, taking turns mocking me and spitting at my face, then suddenly Percy had lashed out and kicked me in the gut and as always, the rest of them had followed his lead.

A stick snapped under my foot, pulling me back into the present, and my head jerked up. I glanced around apprehensively again and clutched the straps of my backpack tighter, fear cutting through me. I couldn't let my guard down. Don't think too much, can't think too much. Don't get anxious, can't get anxious. I'm okay. I can be okay. The words raced through my head again and again, tumbling over one another until they became one frantic, rambling swirl of emotion and letters, pulsing in time with the hysterical beating of my heart. They were basically my life motto, I even had them scrawled in barely intelligible writing on the wall above my bed, over and over, like a madman's ramblings. Writing my thoughts is calming, I guess.

I took in deep breaths and pushed them back out slowly, I'm okay. I can be okay. I turned the corner, scanning the road before me and the peering over my shoulder briefly. Don't get anxious, can't get anxious. My heartbeat thrummed through my chest and echoed through the rest of my body. The school was in view now. Don't think too much, can't think too much.

It didn't comfort me that they hadn't attacked yet, it just meant that today they wanted a spectacle, people were going to see and I was going to be laughed at. No one would help, and the few people who felt sorry for me would be too afraid of the consequences to do anything about it. I set my jaw, I've been through this, at least a hundred times, one more beating won't change anything. I'm fine.

I lifted my chin up, trying to calm my breathing, determined to walk into that school with as much dignity as I possibly could. I approached the crosswalk, plastering a fairly convincing fake smile onto my face and wishing the crossing guards a good morning as I walked across the thick white lines.

The smile dropped off my features as soon as I stepped onto the grass, immediately replaced with a deadpan look that I had practiced into perfection over the years to hide what I was really feeling. It was funny how much of the emotion I showed was just an act.

I walked into the school, ignoring everyone as I made my way to my locker. I slung my backpack off my shoulder as I reached it, dropping it to the floor and kicking it up against the lockers. I slammed my fist against the thin metal door, listening closely. It didn't sound like there was anything in there, waiting to erupt from inside and bombard me, so I turned my combination into the lock and then cracked it open it slowly, peeking inside, just for extra measure, and then slammed the door open against the next locker. This daily routine used to earn me a lot of weird looks, snickers, and people jumping at the loud banging, but now everyone just kind of accepted it.

I bent down, pulling out everything I didn't need for first period, and dumping it in my locker before I slammed it closed again, turned the lock a couple of times and then turned around, slipping my backpack over my shoulders. Jason Grace was leaning against the wall across the hall with a cruel smile plastered over his face. My stomach clunked against the floor and my face paled slightly, I gave him my best death glare and he just laughed, pushing himself off the bricks and disappearing into the flood of students.

I shook my head, Don't let him get to you.

I made my way to my first period and pretended to take notes that were really just doodles as the teacher rambled on about Ancient Greek gods. Why we needed to know that Zeus couldn't keep it in his pants was a mystery to me, but I'd ace the test anyways, my brain absorbed information like a sponge without me even trying.