Monsters | Stiles Stilinski

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟑𝟖

THINGS BETWEEN STILES AND I WERE WEIRD but things between Allison and I were not. It was like I'd made up with her but in the process had lost a handle on my relationship with Stiles and it was all because of Erica.

I was letting her get her way.. and that infuriated me. She wanted to break the string that tied Stiles and I together, she wanted to throw a spanner into the works and I know that having a seizure wasn't the way she had intended to do it but she still had.

I hated it.

It was all me of course and I would happily agree with anyone who said that to me because it was the truth. It was me who was letting her come between us, not Stiles. I couldn't hold my jealousy because I didn't know how to control it and it was having a negative effect on Stiles and I's relationship.

That was why he was having dinner with his dad at the station and I was at the animal shelter with Scott and his boss Deaton — waiting for Derek to arrive so we could figure out a plan to help and stop Jackson.

Deaton was minding his own business in the back thankfully as Scott and I sat out the front, watching the door for Derek arriving. We were standing in silence until my friend broke what had lasted around four or so minutes.

"He doesn't have a clue, you know."

"Hmm?" I mumbled, finally meeting his gaze as he stood at the other side of the door.

"Stiles." He said to me then, "He doesn't have a clue."

I frowned then, "That's not like him."

Scott shrugged once, "It depends." He said to me, "Normally he's too busy just dreaming about you to sometimes realise."

I blushed then and I looked to the ground to hide my pink tinted cheeks as Scott smiled bashfully. I knew he'd already seen me trying to hide though and I lifted my head again as I crossed my arms over my chest, "I don't know what's going on with me, Scott." I said to him honestly, "I've never been affected by something like this before. I don't think I've ever been jealous .. or so angry before in my life but just looking at her—" I shook my head, catching on my own words as I swallowed the lump in my throat.

It was all crashing down on me and too much of a heavy weight. I couldn't handle it. All my insecurities were slipping through at once as I thought that maybe I wasn't good enough for Stiles — I thought that maybe if Erica tried just that little bit harder Stiles would leave me for her. I thought that my own demons would get in the way of this — that I would I ruin it.

"Alex." Scott sighed, "It's okay."

"It's not." I shook my head, "Scott it's not okay because it's scaring me. She makes me feel a type of anger I've never felt before.. I fought her a week ago and if I hadn't of been pulled off her I wouldn't of been able to stop. I pushed her to the ground and she's a werewolf. I feel like my emotions and my feelings have been intensified.. I hate it."

"You just have to learn to control it." He told me honestly, "It sucks but we have to deal with it.. just be thankful your instincts won't drive you to murder someone if you can't control them." He tried to joke.

I didn't laugh though and I dug my fingers into the roots of my hair, pulling it out of the messy bun I'd shoved it into, "But that's the thing, Scott. I've honestly felt like I could strangle her and feel no remorse about it at all. Even in detention when Stiles sat next to her and she smirked at me... god." I yelled before I groaned loudly.

I hadn't felt anything like this before and it was scary for me. These sudden waves of anger, the impulses to launch myself at Erica.. it was all new and I hated it.