Shake It For Me

Muckalee Creek Water

~Luke's Point Of View~
 
I just woke up with a huge hang over. The light was in my eyes. I was lying on the couch in my clothes from yesterday. To me, yesterday was a major blur after the 4th shot of Jack I took with this one guy at the bar. I sat up and realized there was no blanket on me. Nikki normally throws one on me. I heard the boys running around making so much noise and it hurt my head worse.
I got up and went to the kitchen. My boots made loud thuds as I walked into the kitchen. Nikki was at the stove making soup it looked like. I put my hand on her hip ad she instantly moved so I wouldn't be touching her. What is her problem? I looked at her and was going to ask when Bo ran in saying Tate won't share the trucks. She sighed and put the soup on a slower setting going to settle their problem.
After I got my glass of water and Advil, I sat at the table and got out my phone from my pocket. I looked and had a text from someone I didn't know. It said that the person enjoyed talking to me. They also told me to go to the bar on Saturday. I thought hard and realized it was that guy from last night that I was drinking with. More of my memory came back and I realized that I called Nikki to pick me up last night because I left my keys on the bar when I went outside to talk to that guy.
Nikki must be pissed I called her. I looked through my calls and saw I called her and BM after 3 in the morning. I ran my left hand through my hair. She must be pissed because I've been getting drunk a lot. I have been drinking my problems away thinking that the alcohol can do it. It started on tour and made its way home. I need to think for myself right now.
I got up from the table as Nikki walked back in. I put my arm out and caught her around the waist. She grabbed my arm and took it off from around her. She showed it to my side and walked past me not even looking back.
 
"Nikki, why are you so mad?"
"If you can't even remember what I said last night. Fuck off." She growled. My eyes got wide. She is severely pissed at me. I sighed and walked away. I am not asking her to go to the bar and help me get my truck.
 
Instead I called Jason and he said he would pick me up in an hour. I got a shower and dressed. I packed up my back for a night and day of clothes. I also grabbed my fishing things and camping things out of the garage. When Jason showed up I threw it in the back of his truck. I ran back inside to leave a note on the dresser for Nikki so she wouldn't be pissed at me anymore. I told her I was going to the creek for a night. I needed to evaluate what has been going on and what has been bothering me. Then after I do, I will talk to her.
I remember her yelling at me very well. I know there is something up but even I honestly don't know it to the full extent. I've been feeling really down on myself and alcohol made me feel better. Jason asked and I told him exactly what I left in the message. I talked to him about Nikki and I last night. He even told me he agrees that I have been drinking way too much and everyone is worried about me. I need to find myself again and when I do, things will get better.
 
When we got my keys, and I packed things up. I headed as fast as I could to the creek. I put up the tent in a spot you can, made a small little pit for a fire later, and put all my things in my tent. I got a log to sit on and my phone stayed in the tent. I was just here for my thoughts. The more of thought the more I would realize things. I did fish for an hour to calm myself so I could dig dipper into my thoughts.
As it got dark I made a fire and had food packed for me. I stared into the fire and was thinking on why. A realization came to me. I feel bad for being such a shitty father and husband. It's not just because of this drinking. It's before. I feel like shit because I am not around enough. I have four beautiful children, who are so smart, talented, happy, and just great kids at home. I have a wife, who doesn't get out much, she takes care of the kids, the house, and herself, and me when I'm around. She does such a great job. She is still beautiful inside and out. Her heart is still of gold. I am so lucky but I take her and my kids for granted.
If I was around more maybe I could show that. I know my job is to tour, make music, have an impression on other people and what not but what about my family? I feel like I can't be the best husband if I'm hardly there. I can't be the best father if I'm not there on birthdays, the first time they talk or walk, the first time they fall, the first time they do anything. I'm a shitty husband and father. My job helps me be that. Growing up I always had a dad, so I could only imagine how my kids feel. When I am around I'm so stressed from not knowing how life at home fully works and now with twins it makes it worse. I wouldn't change having them for the world but if I was home a lot, I wouldn't be this way. I leave for tour again soon and I can't. I need to be home. I may disappoint fans but my family is more important right now. I need my family.
I think I need to assess if I am going to keep being a country singer. It might be best for my relationship with my family and happiness with them if I stayed home. I need to talk to Nikki about this. She has gotten so stressed out with me drinking all the time. She is so worried about me. I can't believe I'm putting her threw this. She needs to know why. I only wish I could have said things sooner but I didn't even know. She knew there was something was wrong before even I did. She is diffidently a woman I can't live without.
I decided to put the fire out and go into the tent. I fell asleep still thinking about it. When I woke up in the morning I quickly packed up. I then called my mama. I asked her to take the kids and I was going to talk to Nikki because we have to have us time to talk. Mama understood and graciously accepted. She was okay even with the twins because they were now older and not as whiney.
When I got home I walked through the door and the boys were doing their school work in the kitchen while Nikki was cleaning dishes. I went up behind her and she tensed up.
 
"Mama is coming to pick up the kids. We are then going to go out and talk. I need to tell you things" I told her. Her body loosened up but was tense a little.
"Okay." she said softly and I let her go so she could finish up her washing.
 
I went to sit next to the boys and help them out a little. They were pretty good on their own. Bo even helped Tater while doing his own work. He was a great help. Maybe I could talk to Nikki about putting them in school. I don't think it would be too bad on them. We would just have to teach them that some kids might become their friends because of their father is famous.
When the boys were close to done my mama walked into the kitchen and I got up giving her a hug. Nikki was done the dishes and hugged her. We waited till the boys were done to tell them to get their shoes and hoodies. I helped Nikki get the twins and Mama was already putting Bo and Tate into her truck. Nikki and I had to bring the twins over ourselves. Which was easy enough?
The ride over to my mother's was silent. Nikki kept her arms crossed and looking out the window. This meant she was still pissed at me, especially since I up and walked out when she told me to fuck off. She never said things like that even when the cheating happened. I helped mama get situated real quickly and then I got back in the truck and drove off to our spot. When Nikki saw where we were she looked over at me. I just shut the truck off and got out. I went to her side to let her out and she slowly got out. I grabbed her hand and made her follow me to a nice area where there were stumps lying around. We sat across from each other. It was rough to start a conversation but I knew I had to.
 
"I'm sorry for everything Nikki." I told her looking her straight in the eyes to show her how much I really meant this.
"Luke, you keep saying you're sorry but that doesn't change what's been going on. You don't tell me what's wrong." She defensively said. Okay, she is still aggravated with me. I can totally understand this.
"Well, I didn't know what was really up with me. I didn't let myself evaluate what was even wrong. For some reason I went straight to the bottle and I let that take over to fill what was wrong. I know that's not what I should have done but it happened, I can't take it back, but I can stop and make things better." I told her.
"Why didn't you just say that? You kept blowing me off." She said getting upset.
"I didn't want to deal with it. I didn't want to push it on you because you have so much on your plate now that I don't need you being stressed out too. The four kids, the whole house, still writing lyrics, and dealing with just everything alone while I'm gone is so much. I didn't want you having to figure out what was wrong with me. I know you care and want to help but I now know it might have been better. I went to the creek yesterday to think to myself. No alcohol. Just the fish, a tent, the night stars, and I." I told her. She just looked at me with a blank expression.
"Do you know?" She asked quietly. I nodded. I rubbed my hands together.
"I might change my career path." I told her. Her eyes widened.
"What? Why? This is your dream that came true. You love it. Why would you want to change it?" She asked frantically.
"I need to be home with my family. I am missing so much. Soon I'll be missing the twin's first words, and steps. Hell I missed a lot of Tate since my career picked up so much after he was born. I know you face time, I know you send videos, and take pictures. That isn't enough. I want to be there. I'm also putting so much on you; I just feel I need to be home to help more. I feeling this way put a stress on our marriage. I don't want anything to ruin it. We've made it so far and we ain't quitting now." I told her.
"You can't quit your job. We can find ways to help you see all of us more. Physically, not through video. I'll find a way to come out to more shows. I'll find some way to have the kids tag along. Whether it is just for a day or not. You can't give up on your dream. Never give up on your dreams. We all understand you can't be around so much but when you are, you can't act like how you were because those are the precious moments the boys want. It makes everything worthwhile when you walk through the door, drop your bags, and hug and kiss all of us and tell us how much you missed us even though you did have fun." Wow. She won't have me give up my dream. I know she grew up always following hers and never giving up. I was thinking this would be better for the family but she doesn't think so.
"Maybe I can do less touring. I want to not go to the next one. I'm not even front man. I'm not set in stone for the next tour either. I need to be home. The twins soon will be walking and I need to be home for that. I don't want to drink much anymore. Only special occasions. I don't want to around the kids or most of the time that I'm home. I want my drinking time to now be filled with time with the kids and you. I love you to death, and need some us time. Baby, I haven't showed you how much I love you in so long, that I feel like I'm such a horrible husband." I put my head down. I heard her move then felt her right next to me.
"Oh Luke. You're far from horrible. You were just in a funk recently and you wanted to figure out your problems on your own without getting me worried. Yes it did worry me but I understand. You're the best husband a woman could ask for. You go on tour to support your 4 beautiful kids, and me. You deal with putting on shows all the time, little sleep, women obsessing over you, some guys doing the same, rumors, tabloids, interviews, and then missing your family at home. Don't ever think you’re a horrible husband. If you were, I would have left, I would not be here, and I saw something in you when we first started dating. I trusted you with everything and I still do. You'll always have my heart no matter how much of an asshole you can be or no matter how amazing you can be. You'll always be the only man I'll be in love with. You're beyond amazing" She told me. I looked into her eyes and she had tears. I put my hand on the side of her face and kissed her. I felt sparks fly like the first time I actually kissed her sober on that hill.  When we pulled away I put my forehead on hers.
"I love you Nikki Lynn Bryan. I don't know what I'd do without you." I opened my eyes and saw she was smirking.
"Probably lose your mind." She told me. I chuckled.
"Probably. How about we get out of here and go get something to eat. Then I want to take you home since no one is home." I said pulling my head away but grabbing her and putting her on my lap. I kissed her neck in the right spot. "And make love to you." I said in a husky tone. Her hands slowly went down my arms which were around her and then to my hands pulling them away. She got up and then pulled me up. She pulled me towards her. Our bodies hit together and kept close. He arms went around my neck and my hands rested on her hips.
"Can we skip going out to dinner, and go home. Then order takeout? I miss your loving." She leaned up and kissed me so sweetly and pulled away quickly.
"As you wish Mrs. Bryan." I told her then picked her up Bridal style to the truck.

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Poor Luke! But Nikki stayed by his side!
What do you thinks going to happen next to the Bryan household?

10 for a New Chapter. (I might boost it up to 15 next chapter instead of chapter 25)

-Pup