To Fix What Is Broken

Lakshagrah

I step inside Mata's room to everyone already huddled around her with Bhrata Bheem sitting on the floor, his head resting in her lap. Nakul was beside her, side hugging her while Dev rushed in to join them. I smile a little seeing the childishness in all of my brothers, almost wishing I could join them... but I hesitate.

I come closer and mata looks up and smiles at me, I nod barely returning the smile, too consumed in what is about to happen and trying to make sure I don't accidentally change anything, and sit down on the seat across from her, a little to the corner of the room.

Nakul raises his eyebrow at me but stays silent, confused by my actions.

"Arjun? What happened Putra?" She asks confused.

"Nothing mata..." I smile a little, "just tired I guess..."

She nods not really saying anything but the worry is clear in her eyes.

I sigh feeling horrible but say nothing. We sit there for a while, all of them talking, laughing and joking around while I silently observe.

I look at my brothers all of them chatting happily with mata and for a second I almost pause, to most it seems like nothing changed but I see small differences... in the way they're talking, sitting... or maybe it's just that damn thing Madhav said getting to me!

I can feel the world blur out as my thoughts wander... not in a panicked way but more in a dull blur... Ever since I got here I've been trying to change things and what exactly have I accomplished?! Nothing! In fact, now I'm scared I'm messing with things and making the past worse... everything seems so hard now... I haven't really been able to do anything! Everything has been half-finished... I've given up so much to come back and fix things and I know I have a lot of work cut out for me but the fear of messing up just a little is driving me insane almost making me incapable of making changes... my mind trying to rationalize and tell me that this was never worth it... that all I gave up was for nothing, that the war could happen no matter what

My thoughts continued wandering easily become a whirlwind of panic when I feel someone shaking my shoulder, "Huh?" I blink a couple of times to regain focus to see Bhrata Bheem looking at me with concern.

"What happened Arjun?" He asks worriedly.

"Nothing why??" I said realizing what I probably did.

"We called you a couple of times you didn't respond, are you ok??" He asks. I look around to see all my brothers looking at me with concern and I nod.

"Yeah... yeah of course! I'm just tired, so much travelling in just a few days kinda tires you out," I say with a small smile. "Why were you calling me??"

"A guard needs to talk to you..." Nakul said not looking convinced at all.

"Right," I get up but before I can leave Bhrata Bheem pulls me down again.

"How about you tell us why you're so worked up? You've been a bit like that since you got back..." Bhrata Bheem said while everyone looked at me with worry... I pause, did they plan this??

I shake my head and get up again, "Nothing! I'm fine! I told you I've just been on too many journeys recently!" I said with a small smile that no one seemed to buy.