Merder: Different Circumstances

Chapter Thirty Five

Eventually the weekend passed, however to Meredith and Derek it felt as though it had dragged along endlessly for the both of them. Ashley came around with dinner for them on the Saturday evening and spent an hour or so with just Meredith whilst Derek left the house for a while. Even though Meredith said she was fine, Derek didn't want to leave her alone anytime soon.

Although they insisted she could do no such thing, Ashley didn't want to overstay her welcome and spent a second night at Addison's, before she would spend the Sunday and Monday with Matthew. Meredith was clear that she wanted Ashley home, but in all honesty Ashley wasn't sure if she could keep the facade up around the two of them, at least with her mother or boyfriend she wouldn't feel as guilty to show her emotions.

The two of them took the Monday through to Wednesday off work, with Richard knowing the situation, but telling their colleagues that they were unwell with a sick bug. Lexie struggled to believe this excuse after she saw the state of them the previous Friday, but didn't mention the matter to anyone else. On the other hand, Meredith had received a handful of voicemails from Cristina telling her to 'get her ass' back into work. When the fourth one came through, Derek began deleting the voicemails before she could listen to them herself.

"Back to work tomorrow." Meredith stated as the two of them sat eating dinner, Ashley being out for a study session.

Derek almost choked on his spaghetti but held his composure not wanting to start any sort of argument between the two of them. Meredith looked at him expectantly, but not knowing what to say he placed his fork down and took her hand into his.

"Mer, are you sure? It's been less than a week."

"Yes I'm sure, I told you, I don't want people looking at me with big pity eyes."

"I know that, it's just-"

"No, you've been babying me this whole time, which is exactly what I didn't want to happen. Just let me go back to work, I took the five days like Addison recommended and then another, God I just need to cut again."

"I just think that it would be better if-"

"No. Stop thinking for me and stop watching me, or having someone watch me every second of every day. I'm fine Derek." Meredith argued, standing up and walking away from the table, up the stairs.

At the moment the bedroom door shut with slightly more force than necessary, Ashley walked in through the front door and into the kitchen, raising her eyebrows at her father. Derek just let his head fall into his hands and sighed. He knew Meredith wanted that sense of normality, but as she just proved to him then her hormones were unpredictable and he believed she was still yet to fully accept their loss.

"What was that about?"

"Mer wants to go back to work tomorrow and I did so much as suggest it might be too early."

"Oh."

Derek grimaced at his daughter. Whilst he understood what Meredith was saying, he had a valid argument for all of his actions. He didn't want to leave her alone, because quite simply he was waiting for her to snap and breakdown. Besides the day of their appointment, Meredith was yet to cry and had become increasingly distant. Whereas, he had took any spare moment to be alone in a bathroom and let tears fall.

"I can go talk to her if you want?" Ashley offered.

"You don't have to do that."

"I want to, I've missed our talks, even if it might not be something on the happy side."

"Thanks Ash."

Hesitant to see if she would get the wrath her father appeared to receive, Ashley grabbed a half drank bottle of tequila and walked up the stairs. Under normal circumstances, Derek would tell her to put it back, but he knew that it was more for Meredith than her, but after the earlier interaction he wouldn't blame Ashley if she needed a sip.

"Go away Derek." Meredith said when Ashley knocked on the ensuite bathroom door.

"It's me Meredith."

There was a silence on the both sides of the door as Ashley awaited to see Meredith's next action and when she heard the lock on the door click open, she was quick to walk in. Sat on the floor, with her back to the bathtub, Meredith gave Ashley a half smile before her eye line returned to the cold, tiled floor in front of her.

"I know you don't want Lexie or Cristina to know, so I thought you might want to treat me like you would them, talk to them about whatever you don't want to talk to my dad about." Ashley said, sitting down next to her. "Obviously within reason, you know. I really do not want to hear about, you know, any of that." She added quickly, making Meredith laugh slightly for the first time in days. "And I brought up the bottle of tequila."

"Thanks."

Meredith took the bottle of tequila off Ashley and was quick to unscrew the lid, taking a mouthful of the drink and appreciating the burn down the back of her throat. The two sat in silence, as Ashley waited for her to speak, and Meredith wasn't quite too sure where to start.

"I love your Dad, so much. It's just I don't want the constant watching from him, I get it, he's worried, but he acts like I'm made of glass." Meredith started, stopping with a sigh. "I like my space and I'm not getting it."

"He is worried about you and he wants to be with you all of the time, because he needs to be with you, as much as you don't realise it, for his sake and overall your own."

"Yeah, but he should hate me." Meredith whispered.

"What? Why?"

"I couldn't keep our baby alive, I hate myself for that and surely he has every right to hate me."

"God no, my Dad could never hate you. He's concerned and he's grieving and he wants to make sure that you know he's there for you."

"He should still hate me, I failed at being a mother. That and I honestly don't know how to let anyone care for me, it's never happened before. After my own father left, and my mother never being particularly maternal, no one ever cared for me."

"You didn't fail Meredith, your a mom to your angel baby, the best soon-to-be step mom for me and I know that when I get siblings you will be the best mom for them. Oh, and let my Dad take care of you, both at home and whenever you go back to work, from my experience he's pretty good at it." Ashley said, before leaning into a hug with Meredith.

Once their hug was over, Ashley left to go to her own room for the night, and Meredith got up from the bathroom floor to lie on her bed. Derek soon came in and stood at the doorway with a box of pizza in his hand, to which Meredith scooted over and patted his side of the bed.

"I thought you might be hungry since we never finished dinner."

"Thank you, and I'm sorry for before." Meredith apologised, nestling her body into his chest as they each grabbed a slice of pizza.

"I'm just worried about you Mer, I want you to know that I'm here for you."

"Ashley set the standards pretty high, she you're pretty good at taking care of people." Meredith said, a small, joking smile on her face. "But please, back to work tomorrow?"

"Whatever makes you happy."