Jizzie | Hand on Heart

Chapter 43 | Breaking point?

"Actually." I revise, "there's someone I have to talk to."

The realisation dawns immediately.

"Lizzie are you sure you want to.." Lauren trails off.

"I do, I need to."

They exchange glances again, as if I'm not in the room.

"I need to do this. Nothing you say can change my mind on that." I affirm.

None of them look convinced, but they at least look as if they aren't going to debate me on it.

"Well, if no one has any ideas I have a paper I need to finish." Jessie hums, standing up.

The silence says enough.

We say our goodbyes, promising to meet tomorrow at school.

Once they've left I plop back down on the sofa, knowing how much work I have left to get done.

Graduation is in a month.

And exams are in just over a week.

I have done no studying, am behind on all my coursework, my attendance is shot straight from hell and I have a mountain of homework.

This is going to be a long month.

***

I feel like a zombie.

I stayed up all night working on my catch up work, I didn't even nearly get it all done, managing most of what I missed in the past few weeks, but not all of it, and I couldn't even start my coursework.

I fully expected to be chewed out by all of my teachers.

An expectation that didn't even tell the half of it.

Lunch rolls around and it is all but apparent that I may not be able to graduate.

The thought itself is enough to give me a headache.

Now, on top of everything else I have to balance all my extra credit work, finish the catch up, coursework and various other things on the lists I was given so I could pass my classes.

I shove it aside for the moment though, there's something else I have to do.

Shooting Joel a quick text, I start my search.

It takes a good ten minutes, but I manage to find her.

"Leah, can we talk?"

She turns around, her eyes boring into me so harshly that I almost whither under her gaze, but I stand my ground.

I couldn't keep running.

"I have nothing to say you."

Despite her intimidating glare, I can see the pain behind her eyes, I can see the damage caused by my actions.

"Please."

She looks as if she's about to scream at me, shove me, slap me, anything.

But instead, she nods her head, mumbling a chaste goodbye to the people she was standing with.

Leah follows me down the hall, to a more secluded part, not too much in case she gets mad and decides to put me in a wheelchair again.

Not that I would blame her.

"I'm sorry." I say it before she has the chance to speak.

I see the surprise on her face for a split second before she masks it.

"You're sorry?"

"Yes. I am so so sorry. I know nothing I could say can make up for what happened, I know I ruined your life, I know it is all my fault and I have no right to ask for forgiveness, and I'm not. I just, needed you to know how sorry I am."

She looks at me, this time with no emotion backing her stare.

For a moment, only a moment.

Always just a moment.

I see it, I see her breaking point, I see her spiral.

All I can think about;

What have I done.