south park {one shots}

the letter~kyle broflovski x stan marsh

[A/N: i finally got around to writing a style one shot and i'm super happy about it! style is another one of my main ships so this was fun to write. this was based on a book called To All the Boys I've Loved Before by Jenny Han because the plot was just adorable.]

trigger warning: depression, self harm, eating disorder, suicide mention

stan's pov

"what the hell, marsh?"

"well hi to you, too."

it was nine o'clock on friday and i was looking right in kyle broflovski's confused eyes in the front doorway of my house. his eyes were so pretty. his hair was messed up and looked so immensely sexy. i tried to push away my nagging thoughts.

"could i come in? and could we talk in private?" kyle asked awkwardly.

"sure. no one's home," i said as calmly as i could.

kyle walked inside and i closed the door behind us. we walked upstairs to my bedroom, which was painted a dark navy color and covered in dark posters of punk bands and other weird "emo" things, as my parents would call them. kyle noticed the drugs and alcohol lying obviously on my dresser and sucked in his breath. he was so pure and good; i wished i could be like him. but i was far from it.

ever since my parents divorced and my no-good father started dating his stupid girlfriend, i became extremely depressed and suicidal. and it wasn't just because of my parents' split. everything came crashing down around the same time. friends left me, i became self conscious and hated myself, my grades began dropping, everything became horrible.

i was worthless to society. i wanted nothing more than to die. i drew deep, red lines on my wrist with a blade to keep myself from going insane. i began doing drugs and my alcohol problem became more intense. i was trying to do everything it took to have a chance at being happy again. i starved myself in hopes to have a pretty body. i dressed in all black and got piercings.

i could tell kyle was not used to my "new" self. he was looking around my room, intrigued and confused at the decor. ever since we entered junior year, we hadn't hung out much outside of school. kyle hadn't been to my house in a good year or so.

i sat down on my bed as kyle leaned against the open doorway, cracking his knuckles nervously.

"what's up, broflovski?" i asked, getting lost in his vibrant red hair.

"uh... this is kinda... serious, i guess? deep? personal?" he muttered.

my forced smile faded and i looked down at the ground, running my fingers over my sleeve where my cuts were hiding underneath.

"just go ahead and say what you were going to say," i said quietly, already feeling like he was going to say something like i was a horrible friend or he hated me.

"um... i dunno who sent this to me, maybe it was you, but i got this letter in the mail and it was quite... not what i was expecting from you," kyle said.

"wait... if it was from me, then why don't i remember sending you anything?" i asked, concerned.

"here, you can look for yourself," he stepped forward to me and held out eight lined pieces of paper written on the fronts and backs. i immediately recognized the letter and jerked my hand back, throwing the letter onto the ground next to kyle.

it was my letter.

but how did it get to kyle?

it must have been shelly. that asshole!

kyle picked up the letter and began reading it over again. i cringed and played with the hem of my sleeve intensely.

ever since seventh grade, i was in love with kyle broflovski. we were the closest friends in seventh grade, and i just began seeing him as way more than just my friend. the way he laughed, his hair, how he always grabbed onto my sleeve when we were walking next to each other. everything about him was perfect. but there was no way he would ever feel the same way.