𝑪𝒉𝒆𝒄𝒌𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒆: 𝑩𝒆𝒏𝒏𝒚 𝑾𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒔 𝒙 𝑶𝑪

Sincerely

A lot of the time I surprise myself with my reactions to things.

Like whenever you brush your hair, you look like a princess but then you'll yell at me and I'll feel a bit more like you're the evil queen or something, bewitching everyone around you with your beauty. But still cruel nonetheless.

Yuck. I sound like some sentimental poet

Sometimes I wonder what my younger self would think of you. I think he'd like you, he'd honestly probably be able to steal you from me.

This one made her blush too because she could remember those occasions where she would catch his eye and he would just hold it, neither looking away until they absolutely had to.

Dear Emilie,

You made this dish last time you were here and I kind of missed you, so I attempted, keyword "attempted" to make it.

I realized that not all cooking is exactly like frying eggs.

If she was thinking of the right dish, she made it quite often because it was easy, thinking to herself "How could he mess it up?" Most of these letters were just about the normal things that happened, most were so sweet and funny she could read them and hear his voice in her head, reading them to her.

Dear Emilie,

You missed our weekly call, you probably just had something going on. The day kind of feels empty now.

She knew exactly when this one was from. She also knew these next few weren't going to have the same feel as the others did.

Dear Emilie,

I know you don't get these letters but I'm sort of worried about you. You've missed multiple calls. I'm not sure what is going on. I just want to be sure you're okay.

I've avoided calling your house cause you didn't want to tell Beth and your mother, but I'm thinking of calling anyways.

I even sent a postcard. A postcard of all things like your my fucking grandma from Florida or something.

Part of me wishes I knew whether or not you got it.

I sound pretty pathetic in the postcard but I'm not the worrying type, so this is important.

So much of her wanted to reach out to him during that time, but she couldn't. She just couldn't.

Dear Emmy,

I miss you being here.

I miss how your hair looks in the morning.

I miss how whenever you'd leave you'd joke about the scarf you left but never take it home.

Side note:

I also might've fucked up because someone at your house answered the phone, I hope it wasn't Beth or your mom or something. They're going to have questions if it was them.

I know it probably wasn't but I'm holding out hope it was you.

It's so weird how these letters have become kind of like a diary. I'm basically a teenage girl writing in my diary. It's not a great look.

I wish you were here cause if you were you would've laughed at that and I miss your laugh.

Something in her chest pulled like she was hurting physically not just emotionally.

Dear Emmy,

I'm going to have to move on.

You obviously have disappeared on me for a reason.

Whatever I might've done, I'm sorry. I haven't seen your articles or anything but maybe that's my fault too.

You know I never said that word to you in the way I wanted to.

There were so many times, I've thought it. It's a matter of saying it though.

I hope you knew it. I hope I made it so you knew.

I think I said it once really early on and you didn't even notice.

I said it in one of our really early phone calls. It felt so natural that when I said it, it caught me off guard.

A lot of people I know, their whole goal was to find that person. I never really understood why someone would spend their life looking for that when they could have concrete achievements. I sort of accepted it. I didn't think like the world. The world always pushed a lot of stupid things. Then I almost said it. It was too early I know. I almost thought I would scare you away for one reason or another. Most women I've met can't handle being near someone like me. I think about one thing most of the time. Chess was pretty much what I expected to be the only thing in my life.

The only woman in my life would be the wooden queen.

You seemed normal, nice. It was inviting. Then you left one of your drawings. It was that that made you seem more interesting than before. You seemed like you had just as much below the surface as I did.

I don't believe in fate but it was one fucking miracle of a coincidence that Vegas happened.

It feels like a life ago.

Now there's so much that's happened, good and apparently bad.

I hope you know that I cared for you so genuinely. You made me feel as though there was more. I wouldn't say a whole world but you made the world less lifeless. You might've been all the life in my world because now all that's left seems black and white.

I hope you receive this by some miracle, or coincidence or I don't really care but I hope you get this, and I hope you read it.

(if you don't some mailman is about to be really confused)

Emilie Harmon. You changed near to everything in my life. You somehow made all the good better, and well there are now bad things that I worry about that I didn't have to worry about.

You know how I know I love you? People always say you'll do anything for the one you love, but again I didn't get it. Now, I'd be okay living in agony if it meant that I knew you'd be happy. I could live a life like that if it would ensure that. All I want is for you to live a full life, with everything you deserve.

You deserve so much. When I didn't know you that well you told me what you thought you saw in your future. You deserve to live how you want to live, not how other people want you to (see my opinion on other people is fuck them)

I know I keep on talking about other people, but people always say that people belong to each other, but again I disagree. I don't own you and you don't own me. I am completely and utterly enchanted by you. I do adore you absolutely and simply never want to be without you.

Sometime when she had been reading she had started to quietly cry.

Something else had changed in this letter beside the obvious. He had signed every letter with Sincerely, but this one was still signed Truly.

He signed this one Truly, Benny.

As long as she could deny and pretend, she had loved him. She had loved him for long before now, and before her failure of a marriage.

Emilie Harmon now felt she could love Benny Watts without fear.

-

She walked outside and went to the kitchen trying to get a cup of water.

Benny walked to get one as well, he stood next to her pouring a glass, and whispered, "You okay?"

She nodded.

So little had changed, but it felt so different.