LETTER [정원]ᴇɴ⁃

36

" She left us for real?"

Sunoo glare at me and walked out of the dance studio angrily.

She said she wants to leave me, I don't believe she did.

My heart beat fast and I'm blank. I'm refuse to believe this- this can't be happening. Why didn't she tell me that she wanted to leave today? I know she wants to make me feel better but at least, tell me and I will accompany her and spend my time with her for the last time. If I know this will happen for real, I will stop her-

but it's too late now.

When will she be back?

" Im Soo Ah, why didn't you tell me about this?"

" Im Soo Ah, reply to me."

I stare at her profile picture and realized that she blocked me-

I fell on the floor, shouted because I felt guilty and regretful making her life turned into a mess. She hurt herself for my goodness sake because she loves me so much but

I-

I hurt her more.

-

I went to the dorm with a heavy feeling. My heart can't bear with it- every time Sunoo's words crossed my mind, it made me felt more guilty like I can't stop thinking about it. I keep blaming myself and asking myself,

what if I were in her shoes?

I will probably kill myself because of the pain.

How can she endure it?

Sunoo came into the room and sighed when he saw me, staring at the window for a few minutes already. I guess he knew what I am thinking about-

"It's never stopped hurting, does it?"

I looked at Sunoo with my puffy eyes.

"  When you realized you actually love her but she already left you and not fighting to keep you anymore. It's too late." I sighed.

" You never know how much she loves you until you realized how precious she is to you.  You keep your eyes on Hana without knowing your heart is pounding for Soo Ah because you thought Hana is your true love and soulmate."

" You lost someone is perfect as an angel."

" Kim Sunoo, stop it." He smiled and suddenly handed me a letter and a sweater. I looked at him blankly, taking the letter from him with my eyes fixed on it curiously.

" It supposed to be yours." He put the sweater on my back and walked out of the room, leaving me alone.

-

"To Yang Jungwon
From: Im Soo Ah

Hello, Jungwon.  It's me. The one who sent you a letter since you were in 11th grade. I am writing this letter to apologize for my action towards you. I know I am wrong. I should not disturb you by sending a letter to you every day. I am sorry and I hope you will forgive me. I promise I won't send a letter to you anymore. Please don't search for me and sue me for this. I regret my action.

You may think that I am a sasaeng of you but actually, I am just someone who had a crush on you since we were in high school. I am really shy to confess my feeling to you because you were popular back then. It made me more scared when I heard you rejected some girls coldly, so I decided to write a letter to you instead. I never think it would be this far...

You never know who I am although we were classmates before if you remember me, I hope you will forgive me and act like you don't know me.

I am sorry for liking you! Please don't tell this to anyone else."

So...

This is the reason she went into the waiting room that day.

She wanted to apologize for her action towards me-

Oh, how stupid I am.

Tears shed from my eyes when I stare at her beautiful handwritten. The handwritten that I used to hate at first, now became the handwritten I wanted to see the most. I felt regret for throwing all of her letters into the trash can- Is it sound stupid if I want to search for her letters back? I don't expect it will turn to be a precious and special thing to me.
The world must be laughing at me now, teasing me how stupid I am for realizing it now.

I wiped off my tears and sniffed quietly while placing a kiss on the letter and hugged it like I am hugging her.

" I am stupid."

" My heart was teasing me."

" It made me confuse."

" I am starting to like her."

" But..."

" She is no longer by my side."

-

" Hey"

" Hey"

" Hey" She smiled and sat beside me and collected my arm to give me a hug.

" I've missed you." She whispered, looking at me while smiling at me sweetly. Soo Ah caressed my cheeks gently and slowly leaning her face closer to me.

" I... miss ..." I trailed off when the wind blew the curtains of my room and saw no one but me inside the room.

I'm alone.