Maybe If I Disappeared? (Thomas x Reader x Newt)

Chapter 45

Teresa came over to me, a cup of water in her hand.
"How are you doing?.." She asked me. I took the water and gave her a smile even though I just wished to sit by myself.

I looked down at Thomas who was laying in front of me. The med-jack hut wasn't what it used to be, and since Alby was laying inside, Thomas had to be placed on a bed of blankets outside behind the hut.
It gave him a little privacy and shade.
"Depends on if he wakes up..." I answered her, moving strands of grass away from his hair.
"He will" She said. I couldn't help but think she sounded like Thomas. Certain that will alone would be enough to succeed.

Newt appeared from around the corner. He seemed surprised seeing Teresa next to me and stopped, standing on the other side of Thomas.
"...How's he doin?" He asked, barely even looking at me.
"Still asleep" Teresa answered.
I could feel a tension coming from Newt, like a smoke spreading in the air. Teresa keeping me company didn't seem so bad anymore.

Teresa glanced at Newt, then at me.
"I'm... gonna go help Jeff." She stated. Getting up from the ground. "I have a feeling Chuck may not be enough help"
My eyes grew wide, starring at her with desperation, pleading her not to leave me with Newt.
However, my efforts did nothing as she gave me an apologetic smile. Swiftly walking away.

Reluctantly, I looked up at him. He stood leaning on the wooden wall. Arms crossed.
"Newt..." I began. Thinking I better be the one to speak first. "I know you don't agree with what I did"
"'don't agree' is a huge understatement" he said.
My chest tightened. I took a breath to say something, but Newt was ahead of me.
"How could you do that?!" He exclaimed. "How could you do that to us?! To me?!"
I looked down at the grass, not being able to meet Newts eyes. "I don't know..." I mumbled.
He let out a scoff. I could tell he was furious, trying his best not to scream at me. "So what, I was just supposed to find you stung on the ground?!"
I had no good answer. Every question he had was justified. I'd been reckless, acting on my own. I knew what I had subjected him to was cruel...
"I let you go for five bloody minutes and you run off to try and kill yourself..." he said in a mumble, more to himself than me.

"I meant no harm..." I said. Squeezing Thomas' wrist knowing that harm was all I had caused. "I...I just thought that maybe I could find some answer in my memories"
"And running off on your own, not giving a damn about the rest of us seemed like the best option?"
My words found themselves stuck in my throat. "No, of course not!" I managed to answer.
"Why then?! Why not come to me?!"
My emotions fought inside of me, pushing to be let out. I didn't wish to cry or seem desperate even though I was. "I just wanted to help!" I exclaimed.
"Then stop helping!"
My eyes locked with his as I found myself with no answer.
Newt didn't want me here?...He didn't want my help.
I'd been stupid to think my actions could cause anything but problems.
These people meant the world to me. They were my world, and I was destroying it.

Newt's shoulders fell. He regretted his words.
"Y/n, I... I didn't mean that" he uttered, trying to retract what he had said.
However, I didn't want him to. I didn't want him to spare my feelings.
My help was unwanted.
How he must have come to hate me... my selfish actions. All the stupid and impulsive decisions I had made.
I glanced at Thomas, his face looking so calm. He probably didn't want my help either. None of them did. Because how could they? I was everything they didn't need, personified.

Newt sat down next to me. I could tell he smelled of dirt and leaves. The scent reminded me of cut grass.
My fingers were still placed around Thomas' wrist. I knew I should probably remove them, thinking he wouldn't want them there if he was awake...
Yet his skin was so warm.

"It kills me"
I turned my head to look at Newt. His voice had turned gentle.
"When you're in danger... I can't think straight"
His words swam around in my ears as I looked at him dumbfounded. I couldn't figure out what he was getting at, especially since Newt had never been the type to openly throw his feelings into the air.
"I can't loose you" he added.
"You won't"
The expression on his face made my chest buzz.
His auburn eyes reminded me of the warmth in a fire. A colour made up of countless hues.
His eyes looked into mine unwaveringly as our breathing synced with one another like an unspoken conversation. And before I could say anything–before I could move or think–I felt his lips meet mine.
The warmth that laid in his eyes spread through me. My heart skipped a beat as I felt how soft he was against my mouth. Against my skin.
His hand travelled around my lower back, pulling me even closer to him. I didn't know what to do.
Finally, I pulled my lips from his. A light gasp for air came from the both of us, before I looked at him as though I was a deer in headlights.
What just happened?