So right now I'm lying in my bed, tears rolling down my cheeks. I'm feeling so uncomfortable in my body right now. I feel like I'm a little kid again, lost in my own body.
I just was by my family and I kinda just didn't smile. I tried to act distanced and I still can't understand why. I had this bored look on my face but I just wish I smiled and had fun instead with them.
After a few minutes I said I wanted to go to bed. They looked at me puzzled cause it's not even 7pm. I don't understand myself. But with that I walked in the bathroom and brushed my teeth. There I broke out in tears.
I heard them talking about what they would be playing next and I was so unhappy with myself. It's not often we play, my parents usually stick to falling asleep in front of the TV. But today we were supposed to have fun. Once. All of us.
I walked into my bedroom, closing the door behind me. I heard them whispering about me. I didn't understand every word but still it made me cry again. Like a machine I just changed into my pyjamas, switched the light off and lay down in my bed.
I'm not tired, I'm confused and bloody sad.
I want to hang out with them and chill, even watch a boring movie. But I don't want to spend the next few hours sobbing and waiting to fall asleep.
There's just this repeating question.
Why did you do it? Why did you have to keep yourself from being happy?
I'm feeling lonely. I'm dizzy cause I know I'm about to fall. Again.
YOU ARE READING
My Philosophical Diary
PoetryI guess it's pretty much what the title says. Just be aware that it really just is my diary and is probably gonna bore the shit out of you. Oh and my English is kinda interesting but you'll maybe see.
