Advances | 18+

31 - Preparations are in Order

Every time I closed my eyes, I saw those vibrant viridescent ones that entranced me every time I dared to look at her. I saw those soft plump lips stained with wine, pressing against mine. That gorgeous hair that cascaded down her back, brushing against her fever-some skin. She was magnificent, but what killed me most, was that she was just as beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside.

I saw a lot myself in her, though. I saw trauma, pain, abandonment and worst of all, death, but she fought it every day like me. I often wished the ground would just swallow me up so that I'd be gone in a blink of an eye, forgotten, just a tiny blip in the universe - but not since she came along. Since her, I was given an objective and that objective was to protect her for the rest of my aching existence.

She deserved so much more than what was already laid out for her. She deserved kindness, support, respect, spontaneity, thrill. She deserved to perform her art in front of thousands of people and be admired, but most of all, she deserved unconditional love.

The girl that had popped up out of the blue on that memorable New Year's Eve, had forever changed my life.

And that's why I had to give her up.

People like me don't end up with girls like her. People like me end up alone as they watch everyone around them fall in love and grow old together. I could never give her what she wanted because I could never give her what she fundamentally needed - Love.

If anyone could, it would be Jungkook. Jungkook's love would be the thing to fix her and I would stand back and be her guardian angel for the rest of time. For she had reminded me of the person I truly was and not what people expected me to be

***

NAMJOON

"Please tell me you have something useful!" I pleaded, sighing down the phone. I had been on edge the whole morning waiting for Ji-ho's call.

Watching her at the table the other day drove me insane. The way she looked so fondly at Jimin, her emerald eyes twinkling. The way her lips curved into a small smile and cheeks blushed a rosy pink. She was going to hurt them all.

"She barely told me anything bro! But whatever's happened to her, it's not good. She's definitely suicidal, that girl's damaged as fuck," Ji-ho replied, his voice deep and thoughtful.

"So, you're telling me you found out nothing... at all. You just saw what we all saw when we first met her? Aren't you supposed to be the best in the country or something?" I was trying to refrain from ripping into him.

"Calm down, I'm not completely useless. I found out a few things actually. Let's see, her family's dead, she's prone to panic attacks... and she's a Gemini," he threw back, seeming pleased.

He was pushing me over the line. What the fuck do I do with that information? Torturing her with her dead family wasn't going to draw her away from Jungkook and it's quite blatant that she's the type to have panic attacks. That feverish nature, her quivering hands and stuttered speech were all signs of anxiety. It doesn't take a genius to work that out.

"Anything else? Please, anything," I begged, becoming more and more frustrated as the seconds went by.

"Well, she did bring up one other thing that was interesting..." Ji-ho added, his deep baritone being replaced with a devilish rasp, "an ex-boyfriend."

I closed my eyes and pressed my thumb and forefinger against my nose bridge, trying to remain calm. I swear to God, I'm not recommending this guy to anyone ever again.

"Ji-ho, I'm trying hard right now not to send my guys over to kill you," I growled, my voice echoing on the other end of the line. "I already know who Kai is, he was a shit boyfriend, blah blah blah."