Warrior nun one shots (avatrice)

Conversations With Ghosts

Credit to DangersUntoldHardshipsUnnumbered on Ao3

Summary: Ava finds herself asking Shannon's ghost for advice

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When she was in the orphanage, she knew. She was an orphan, a cripple, a freak. It was easy. That was assigned to her, and she couldn't really argue the point. But now? Now it's different.

Now she's got a burning hunk of metal in her back. She can walk. She can run. She can pass through walls. She can drink, dance, have sex. She can give someone the finger, with both hands.

And now she sits in a room that used to belong to someone else, someone who, by all measures, knew what she was. Embraced it. People loved her for it, as far as Ava can tell.

Shannon had one plant, a little fern in a pot, and Ava doesn't know what to do with herself, so she waters it.

Nothing seems crazy anymore, so she isn't surprised that she feels like Shannon appreciates the gesture. She lifts the watering can and mumbles, "Hey, you're welcome."

Ava still barely knows her body. Barely knows what it can feel, what it can do. And as for her own heart? You'd think that someone who spent as many years on their back as she did, unable to move, would have spent a lot of time in introspection, but Ava pretty much spent the time walling it off.

Who wants to dwell in despair, loneliness, anger? Who wants to deal with any of that now, when she can approach the world with a pretty smile and sarcasm instead?

She flops down on her back on the bed, sighs out loud,

"Shannon, what am I?"

It almost feels normal that she hears Shannon's voice in her mind (and yes, she knows it's Shannon, without being told): You're the Halo Bearer, whether you like it or not.

"Yeah," Ava sighs, "well, I don't like it. I mean, I like some of the fringe benefits–" She picks up her foot and waggles her toes. "–but it's a lot of responsibility for someone who has to wear boots because she hasn't gotten around to learning to tie her own shoes."

Believe it or not, Shannon's voice says, sounding amused, I didn't ask for the Halo, either.

"Really?"

Really. I signed up to serve, but never to lead. I thought I didn't want that weight on my shoulders. I didn't think I could carry it.

"Huh."

The windows are open, and the breezes stir. Ava almost thinks she can see Shannon, sitting at the foot of the bed. Not really, but it's like an itch in the back of her vision that she can't quite scratch.

"Well, I think I'm committed to this whole thing, even though I don't know if I'm really up to it. Also, I'm probably going to Hell."

She can feel Shannon's amusement at this. As Mary would tell you, welcome to Catholicism, don't Google us.

Ava snorts. "Mary told me you were funny." She sighs, and rolls onto her side, lets the sun warm  her face. Everything is still new; fresh air, sun, conversations, Good food.

I'm not funny. I'm hilarious.

Something else is on Ava's mind. "Look, how can I fight in God's name if I'm full of what all those dudes in dresses would definitely consider sin?"

All have sinned, and fallen short of the glory of God.

"Yeah, yeah, okay. But. I'm worried. What if I'm not good enough? What if I drag everyone else down with me?"