To Have, To Hold, and To Leave: A Bryce Hall FanFiction «completed»

69

"Thank you," I murmured. "I have an early day tomorrow, but I'll see you when we have dinner, right?" 
"Of course," he replied, standing up and kissing me on the top of the head. "I love you."
"I love you, too," I whispered as he shut the bedroom door behind him. 

As soon as I heard the front door slam shut, I sat up in the bed. "Now, the only problem is who do I call? Jaden or Nessa? Screw it. Call both."
I set up a group FaceTime, waiting patiently for them to answer. By the time that they both had, I was full-blown sobbing again. 
"Kate? Kate? What's wrong?" Jaden asked. 
"I- I- I really messed up," I stammered between sobs. "O-or maybe I didn't. I- I don't know. I d-don't know."
"On the way," they said simultaneously. 

Nessa lived next door, so she got there first. "Shh. It's okay," she whispered, hugging her tightly. Her small frame engulfed me in her embrace, and for a split second, I knew exactly why JJ and Jasmine chose to run to her instead of Josh when they were upset. 
We sat in silence, waiting for Jaden. 
He showed up not far behind, and he plopped down next to the two of us on the bed. "What is going on?" he asked. His voice was soothing, and I gradually got my sobs under control until they were reduced to mere whimpers.

I took a shaky breath before I spoke. "I panicked. Cade came over tonight, and things were escalating, and I panicked. I cried because I've only ever been with Bryce, and he said all of these nice things, but I could only think about Bryce."
Jaden and Nessa shared a look as I continued to ramble. 
"I mean, don't get me wrong. I love Cade. I'm too old to be thinking about any new futures or anything, but I'm introducing him to Bryce and the kids. I just- God, I can't stop thinking about Bryce. I feel like I'm hurting him. Screw that. I know that I'm hurting him. What do I do?" 
"Do you love Cade?" Nessa asked. 
I nodded. "I do."
"Do you want to be with Bryce?" Jaden asked. 
I shrugged. "I don't think so. I think that that ship has kind of sailed, don't you think?"
Nessa sighed. "Do you want to be with Cade?" 
I nodded again. "Yes. He makes me happy. He puts me first. He's not fucking his ex."
"And neither are you. It's going to take some time for you to be one hundred percent ready, and that's okay," Jaden assured me. "You don't have to rush because you feel like you're late on someone else's timeline."
"Jaden's right. Take your time. Let yourself feel the divorce. Let yourself fall in love. This is your life, and you can live it at whatever speed that you want to," Nessa agreed. 

We all sat in silence, one of them on either side of me, and I grabbed both of their hands. "I don't know how I deserve either of you, but I appreciate you both more than you could ever know. You definitely didn't have to come over in the middle of the night for me."
"And leave you sitting up here crying by yourself until Bryce dropped the kids off tomorrow?" Nessa asked. "Not a chance."
"We're family. Family shows up for one another," Jaden agreed.

"We know that this is hard for you, Kate, and we want to help you in any way that we can," Nessa began, looking to Jaden for support. 
"Have you, uh," Jaden stammered, looking uncomfortable, "considered counseling? It can be very beneficial, and there's no shame in it."
"You're right. I will find a way to fit some sessions into my schedule. Now, both of you, go home. You have spouses that love you and want to spend time with you. Don't even get me started on your kids. They don't stay little forever. I mean, one day, they want a kiss because they skinned their knee, and the next, they're graduating high school and moving across the country," I said, chuckling softly. 
"You're projecting. There is no doubt in my mind that you are a better parent than your parents ever could have been. None of those four babies are gonna move across the country to get away from you," Jaden assured me, putting an arm around my shoulder. "Now, me on the other hand? Abe is so sick of my shit."
The three of us laughed, staring at the wall across from the bed. "JJ used to be such a Mommy's boy, you know? Now, he just uses me as a housekeeper. I don't even get a good morning anymore. It makes me want to call my mom and apologize. Like, if I think JJ's bad, I can only imagine how terrible I was," Nessa observed.

"You know, I never thought that we would grow up," I murmured. "Like, I knew that we would get older, but there was a part of me that always thought that we would be those reckless kids for the rest of our lives. Getting drunk all the time, randomly moving in and out of that one house. Even when we started getting married and having kids, I never thought that this would be our life."
"What do you mean?" Nessa asked. 
I shrugged. "I don't know. I just didn't see us getting to the point where I was getting divorced. I never really saw myself as a parent either. Don't get me wrong; I love all four of them, but I wasn't mom material. Come on. Did you ever think Bryce would be a dad? Not a chance."

"I'm really serious this time. Please go home, you guys. Kiss my nephews and my niece for me. Tell Josh and Mads that I said hello. You don't have to worry about me. I'm going to be fine," I said, unsure of whether I was trying to convince them or myself.
"We love you, Kate," Nessa whispered, hugging me. "I'm a house away if you need anything at all."
"I'm a little further than a house away, but if you need anything, call," Jaden agreed. 

The list of good things to come out of my marriage kept growing, and Jaden and Nessa were being added to the top of the list.