To Have, To Hold, and To Leave: A Bryce Hall FanFiction «completed»

52

Dixie was at the house quicker than I thought that she would be. "Hey, girl. Who is this date with?" she asked. 
"Jaden didn't say. Just said that he knew a guy," I responded, leading her back upstairs to my bedroom. "I think that I'm gonna wear these jeans, but I don't know what top to wear. What do I do?"
"Alright, let me take a look," she replied. "Sit down."

I sat down on the edge of the bed, watching her as she dug through my clothes. "Absolutely not," she said, throwing my favorite shirt towards me. 
"What? Why not?" I asked, picking it up off of the floor. 
"It makes you look like an old lady. You're young and hot. Time to look the part," she said, turning her attention back to my clothes. "Ooh, what about this one?" she asked, holding up a lacy crop top that I hadn't worn since before I had Isaiah. 
"Um, no. I haven't worn that since before I got pregnant. I'm not looking to change that now," I shook my head. 
"Will you at least humor me and try it on with the jeans?"
I groaned. "Fine, but I'm not wearing it out of this house, Dixie."

I changed into the jeans, staring at the top. I knew that this was about to look horrible. I pulled it over my head, adjusting it before looking in the mirror. "God, Dixie. You can see all of my stretch marks. You can see the scar from my surgery. I cannot wear this."
"I think that you look hot, but if you insist on something else, I guess that I'll keep looking," she sighed. "What about this? It's not a crop top. It will be great. Try it on."
I held this one up in front of me. "Okay. It's simple," I noted, pulling it over my head.
I looked in the mirror again, and this time, I was happy with the result. "Oh, Kate. That looks so good!" Dixie exclaimed. 
"I agree," I said, admiring the way the top fell around my body. "I like that it's black, too. That means I can wear some fun colored shoes."
"Oh, I like the way that you think!" Dixie said, sinking to the floor to look through my shoes. "Oh, I haven't seen these in years!" she said, holding up a pair of heels that I had worn to Amelie and Blake's wedding. 
"I hated those. Do you want them?" I offered. 
"Do I want them? Of course!" she said, setting them aside. 

I sat down on the floor next to her, and she picked up the shoes that I had worn to my own wedding. "Oh, um, I'm sorry. I didn't realize. I, wow, I didn't mean to," Dixie apologized. 
I shook my head. "That's okay."
I held them in my hands, and the memories of that day began flooding back to me. Nessa barking orders. Hanging out with my best friends while I got ready to marry the love of my life. Dancing with him as the man that I had come to call my brother sang the song for our first dance. Nessa and Josh's toasts. JJ and Didi dancing around.
"Are you okay?" Dixie asked, drawing me back to reality. 
I nodded. "I'm fine. Maybe this, uh, maybe this date is a mistake. What do you think?"
"I think that it will be good for you. You deserve to do something for yourself. Your entire life doesn't have to revolve around being a parent."

I sighed, getting up and throwing myself back onto the bed. "Maybe you're right, but I'm worried. What if this guy is awful? Or worse: what if he's great? I don't know if I'm really ready to move on yet, Dix."
"You don't have to marry the guy. Just go on a date with him. It's not the end of the world. Now, how are you doing your hair?"
"My hair? God, I didn't even think about my hair. I don't even know when the last time I washed my hair was!" I exclaimed. 
"Ah, mom life," she sighed. "Go take a shower, goofy. I'm gonna look through your shoes some more and see if I can find any cute ones. When you're done, we'll talk about your hair, okay?" 

I got up, heading to the master bathroom. I couldn't remember the last time I had taken a shower without being interrupted by a child. The water cascaded over my shoulders, and I felt a little bit free. I felt a little bit guilty that a break from my children could make me feel this way, but at the same time, I was grateful. 
When I got out of the shower, I looked at myself in the mirror. This time, I focused on my features. The bags under my eyes screamed my levels of exhaustion. "How the hell am I supposed to make this look good?" 

I wrapped myself in my robe, going back into my room. "Dixie, I think that I need to cancel," I muttered, sitting down on the bed. 
She shook her head. "Absolutely not, ma'am. You're going. As soon as it's over, you can call me and tell me all about it, okay?" 
"Ugh, fine. How do I do my hair?"
She stepped behind me, pulling a brush through my wet, tangled hair. "Braid this front section back. Add in some loose curls. That's always a really good look for you," she suggested. 
"God, you are a lifesaver, Dix."
"I hate to ask this, but I'm curious. Does Bryce know about your date?" 
I shook my head. "Nope. I mean, maybe I should tell him, but he didn't tell me when he cheated on me, so I guess that this makes us even."
"I like this newfound confidence. Noah's gonna lose his mind if he's alone with Nathan any longer, so I'm gonna head home, but call me if you need anything, okay?"
"Will do. Any advice?" 
"Have fun. Don't do drugs. Bring protection. Lace is always the right choice," she listed, heading out of the bedroom. "Love you."