Frostbite (a komahina fanfic)

Chapter 8 (Impulse)

TWs: self harm, intrusive thoughts, blood, angsty in general.

Nagito/3rd person POV
 
Nagito and Kazuichi had spent the better part of the night watching shitty movies and laughing at how stupid they were. At around 2 in the morning the boys decided they should probably call it a night. Considering they did have school in a few hours. Nagito wiped the tears of laughter from his eyes while waving goodnight to his roommate then retreating into his room. The white haired boy pulled on his pajamas then walked over to his window, sitting down on the ledge. The moon hid behind the dense clouds, only visible if one looked hard enough. The trees swayed gently as a breeze combed through their branches; obscuring the street lights every now and again. Nagito sighed heavily looking away from the window. Whenever Nagito was alone he always felt so...empty? It was really an awful feeling. Feeling like you are missing something, feeling like you will never be whole. Frustrated, Nagito flung himself onto his mattress and punched his pillows, screaming internally. Rolling onto his back the white haired boy closed his eyes, trying to calm himself down before doing anything impulsive.

Deciding distracting himself was the best way to keep himself sane, the pale boy picked up his phone and started to scroll through Instagram. Bored, Nagito sighed, tossing his phone to the side and covering his face. Do it. You know you want to. No one cares about you anyways. Nagito clenched his teeth at the intrusive thought, trying to supress his urges. You always say yourself that you are worthless..do it fast! 

"God go away!" Nagito whisper yelled pulling at his hair, desperately trying to make it stop. Finally with tears brimming his eyes he gave in and stormed across his room. Rummaging through his chaotic closet he found what he was looking for, a faint smile spreading across his face. The white haired boy stumbled to the bathroom, locking the door before looking down at himself and the pocket knife in his hand. 

Nagito gently pressed the blade into his arm, making a short thin cut. Testing the waters if you will. His impulses took over from there as he repeatedly sunk the knife into his ghostly skin, littering his arms with gashes. Tears were spilling down the boy's face but he didn't even notice. He was consumed by his impulse. Not satisfied with the wounds on his arms he moved on to his thighs, applying slightly more pressure than before, feeling butterflies as the cuts got deeper. Nagito grimaced slightly but didn't stop, needing to satisfy the intrusive thoughts pounding in his head. 

Breathless and dizzy Nagito looked down at himself once again. Watching as the blood slowly trickled down his arms and thighs. Realizing what he had just done he dropped the pocket knife. As it clattered to the floor Nagito began to panic. "Oh my god...what have I done….not again...shit...shit...shit…" He said feeling guiltier than ever, a new bucket of tears forming in his eyes. Nagito scrambled around the bathroom trying to find the bandages. 

Knock. Knock.

Nagito snapped his head towards the sound, begining to panic even more. "What's with all the noise? I'm trynna sleep here!" the voice of Kazuichi said through the door. 

"U-uh s-sorry! I just dropped something haha..I didn't mean to wake you." The white haired boy lied, still looking for the bandages.

"It's finnne- just keep it down alright?" The mechanic said before trudging back to his room. Nagito sighed, glad he dodged a bullet. Ah yes here you are. He thought picking up the package of bandages. The bloodied boy carefully wrapped his arms and legs tightly, not wanting to make a mess of his bed. Nagito winced every now and again from the pressure on his wounds, but it was bearable. The white haired boy then proceeded to tidy up the bathroom floor, seeing as it was a little bit of a...mess. Finally leaving the bathroom Nagito retreated back to his room, sore and tired. 

Sniffling and shaky, Nagito crawled into bed and curled up into a ball; beginning to cry again. I feel so stupid for doing this again..He thought to himself hugging his pillow to his chest tightly. I wish I had someone here with me...I wish you were here….

Broken down and drained Nagito let himself fall asleep, just wanting to forget that this ever happened...that he fucked up again...
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758 words

holy shit that was a bucket of angst- sorry that there has been so much angst these last few chapters, the next ones will be lighter for sure

any whooooo thanks for readin this chapter and have a good rest of your day

p.s Nagito with smudged eyeliner looks so hot bye

-ash